My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Relationships part 2

TC and I have been busy, getting the apartment up to speed. Add in two consulting gigs, a start-up have me looking for the bed at 10.30 each night.  TC is off now for a long weekend in NYC to visit his cousins.

I bought the ticket and gave him some pocket money. Last night on the couch, he started sulking. He realized how dependent he is on me right now and in a city that he has no other business being in, except for me. Despite words to "our home", it's really "my" home, my name on the lease, all of the belongings mine sans his clothing. He worried I could just say good-bye to him at any point and he'd be left with nothing, time wasted, back to zero. Me – I'd find some new replacement.

We talked about it. There's really little legal binder between gay couples, often you're together solely at each person's leisure. I'd assume it begats relationships between equals, both partners having similar incomes and some distance in co-mingling their resources. I should be with some mid-30's (see how I'm maturing!) professional. But I'm not. I'm the older more monied one with  a legacy family and he's younger poor and just starting out. Clearly imbalanced.

TC is risky position at the moment and I recognized that. Sadly, it's the only thing I can offer him for the moment. I may be a good guy today, but will I be one tomorrow?

I'm entering the realm of understanding second relationships and the peculiarities of a gay one. I'm not sure you need to wish me luck, but I worry for TC that we jointly make the right decisions for each of us.


  1. You define your role in the relationship (you are the one with the money, the pocket change, the busy schedule, the maturity, etc.) What is his role? In other words, what does he truly bring to the relationship? Other than his age and his skin color (sorry, I find that racist, but you have made no bones about it), what does he give you that you cherish and want the rest of your life? So far (again, sorry to say), I have not heard anything that would make me thinks “he’s a keeper.”

  2. pocket money…cute! You have a daddy-son relationship…if it works with you…go with it. In DC in April:)

  3. What can I say, you’ve got it very right in this posting. I suppose it’s one of those things that TC needs to go with “trust” on.

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