My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

You’re a real gem

Prof. Tim and I talking about ‘what else’ brown boys.  It suddenly dawned on me that on each my trips to Chicago, none of his Latino friends ever seem to be in a relationship of any sort. In fact, it’s always the same gaggle of them clucking around. Maybe the odd hook-up, but never anything regular so it appears.

The Latin family culture is strong, boys live at home until they get married and literally just move next door. While many of Prof. Tim’s friends are out, it’s to varying degrees with their families. In the best of cases, it’s simply a don’t ask don’t tell situation. In the worse of cases, these guys create an elaborate series of lies about who they are and what they’re doing. With time, they get pretty good at lying.

TC has a Caribbean family with a long history of rejecting whatever spouse choice one makes. His mother’s family disapproved of her marriage. Now 30 years later, they have no choice. His own parents aren’t 100% happy with his sister’s choice. Just wait until they meet me. TC shakes his head, this ain’t likely to happen anytime soon.

The sadness in all of this is many of these guys never develop relationship skills. It’s all about drunken hook-ups surrounded by lies in their 20’s and into their 30’s they struggle to break their old habits and maybe with a bit of luck they figure out how to be comfortable with themselves.

Hence why I think us previously married guys are a real find. We know how a relationship is supposed to work and we’ve done it for years. We also know what long term means. We’re playing a different game. So if you’re getting banged about by an emotionally unstable person, move on. There are clearly the ‘smart’ ones who see the value you’re offering and will work to make it work.

TC UPDATE: After consuming 8,000 gallons of water  burning 14 tea lamps and 3 satchels of herbal bathing salts, TC pronounced that his tub experience was complete. The fall out from the ship continues with all sorts of boys and men sending him emails and pictures ‘hoping’ he’ll stay in touch. Hmmm. I can’t leave him alone for a minute.


  1. Indeed, we once married men truly know how relationships work… it’s definately a give-and-take, but then we come out and it seems it’s all about us… Well, maybe not ALL… but we paid our dues…

  2. Just as your pain and heartache is evident in your writing when you are away from TC, it is obvious in your writing now that you are happy and content. Good on you mate!! Enjoy every second you are with him; he is truly a gift to be cherished. All obstacles can be overcome when two people love each other enough and want to be together.

  3. I think you are right about that. If you have never had a full time and long term, relationship like a marriage or similar, it is difficult to relate to it. If you have one and it is gone, you really, REALLY want it again. I crave the stability that a real partner relationship brings.

  4. Cute. I am totally going to after married men. We need to start a club or website for former married men…hot.

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