My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Random observations

Talking with a friend the other night, both of us having been previously married, about how life is. We both have observed the stark contrast between our married lives and our decidedly single now existence. The shiny excitement of gaydom quickly faded and the stark reality of life alone in search of has begun.  In some ways, I am leper inside a leper colony. An outcast amongst outcasts.

I am comforted by TC. The brown tiger, growling and hissing, but he hasn’t wandered off on me and in fact our bond is now very tight. But what if TC weren’t in my life? Would I embark into a slippery slope slide into a sea of flesh, highlighted by drama moments or do as I sometimes do now, withdraw, stay away from it all, look for something different yet so illusive.

A common theme is guys who are partnered but just in name alone. Often with years, they grown bored with each other, sexual interest has long since waned, they become simply roommates.  They may either openly or discretely get a little action in on the side. Despite living together, their lives are not necessarily intertwined, finances are kept separate, there is little by way of long term commitment. They could separate in a matter of hours.

But is this that much different than a married couple? Years go by, is there heat still in the bedroom? It’s not a topic that couple discuss amongst themselves. Perhaps a nice warmth of companionship emerges whilst they focus on their children’s well being. For Daddy, it’s hard to get action on the side, most woman don’t like random hook-ups. Perhaps they content themselves with a online porn, maybe a strip club, who knows, a hooker on the road. Again, a topic that even men don’t speak about amongst themselves. The financial ties when you say “I do” make the unwinding of a marriage more than simply a “see you later” break-up. The man has no choice, stay and endure.

So perhaps the gay world isn’t all that much different than a straight marriage. Some factors tend to be a bit more transparent, perhaps a partner allows the other to wander off the ranch, turns a blind eye, recognizing the need, but also recognizing that the steer will return when it’s sated it’s appetite and looking for a place to bed down for the night again. Perhaps it’s even a more mature way of thinking about relationships.

Oh how we all long for that endless love, the sun that never sets and the summer that never ends. It is elusive and maybe a bit of compromise is needed for the long term health of all involved.

3 Comments

  1. That’s true…and rather depressing. Thanks. There is some comfort in reading about your tiger. I can’t help but wonder if you are happier now than you were when you were married? I guess that’s a question for you.

  2. Chris: You make the best with the cards you are dealt with, change those things you can, and wonder endlessly how it all could be better on the other side.

  3. Strangely enough I was writing a similarly evaluative post on my own site, ‘Lately Gay’ yesterday also. If anyone wants to compare and contrast then you’ll find it via this link. Hope you don’t mind me putting this link up Chris.

    http://www.latelygay.com/2010/11/eight-years-on.html

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