It’s time to have a serious chat with TC about his future plans. I joke around, have my funny little blog postings, ha ha. But make no f*cking mistake, I’ve got good sense of where I am and where I’m going. So all BS aside, let me tell you my exact geoposition in life.
I’m almost 49 years old. It’s either old or young depending on what end of the telescope you look thru. But I ain’t 25 and me chasing 20-somethings, while interesting as a bar room game, isn’t a main event. I’m a relationship person, looking to settle into a relationship, live with someone, get on with life, other things to do. So whatever your age, if you’re screwing around with me, best beware of the game afoot. I have no business being at JRs or Town or any other gay bar for that matter. The right person will likely drop a can of peas in front of me at the grocery check out line. I’m comfortable to wait. I will move when appropriate.
I made $0 in 2009. I figured I had enough of corporate BS, knew pretty much all I was gonna know about starting a business and resolved that in the future all good ideas I would keep for myself. It was time to do something on my own. I started a company, an idea really, a paragraph of words, a PowerPoint chat and I managed to get a group of guys to invest their time on my idea to build it. I also managed to get some investment dollars, though in this economy I might as well have been out selling the plague. Whether you think it’s a good idea or a bad idea, who cares, it’s my idea, get your own.
My dear wife has hung on, she’s cut spending, but two over grown teenagers, an older house and sheer life in general has a flaming burning cash around the clock. Couple in my own apartment and the little meter just spins wildly. The good news, I saved throughout my life, lived a lot cheaper than what I earned and made some smart investments along the way. But make no mistake, I’d rather spend other people’s money. 2010 – this airplane has to lift off the runway or Daddy is gonna have to make some choices.
27 this year. I’ve pretty much been taking care of him for the last 2 years and the year before that he managed to simply wander about doing random things, living hand to mouth. TC is one of those types that you just want to take care of. The baby of the family, you instantly love and want to protect him from the big bad world. He’s got a lot of hopes and dreams yet little by way of real ambition to accomplish them. The path from A to B is never quite clear to him.
Not that he lacks passion or talent. He’s just a hopeless romantic with a healthy dollop of laziness. He’s low maintenance and with the exception of travel, needs relatively little to keep him happy. He’s not a materialistic person either and makes no demands on me. He does run the real risk of never finding his groove and then you’ll find him as clerk in some vintage record store telling stories about his youthful adventures. But he’s only 26 for the moment and plenty of 26 year olds roam the earth clueless about their direction. So he has more time on the clock to figure himself out before judgment will ultimately be rendered.
He’s been my anchor for the last 2 years, a companion, my best friend and caregiver. He’s an older soul than his age allows. He tends to the emotional things I often paid little heed to. He’s made the house a home. He worries about how I dress or look when I for the most part, could care less. He watches my blind side to things I overlook and cajoles me to do the things I ought to do. He’s got my number, I rarely get away with anything. There is a very strong bound between us, an implicit trust that has developed and while we squabble like chickens in a hen house, we’re family and we roost together. It will be a dark day without him in my life. BTW I can criticize him all I want, you, on the other hand, are not allowed to, it’s a family affair.
TC needs to figure himself out before his clock runs out. I need to focus on business and that allows little time for roaming the earth or tending a high maintenance relationship.
But life is about relationships. Some of the most unhappy people I know are quite successful. They found late in life that they’d focused on the wrong things and sadly there is no turning back the clock. Gay relationships are especially difficult. Difficult to find, to get and to hold on to. It would seem one is constantly stretching to reach the gold ring, which is always just out of grasp.