When I started this adventure, I had no clue how difficult the task was before me. I hadn’t really paid too much attention to the world of homos or how the world perceived them. I just didn’t think about it, don’t know, don’t care
My wife was kind enough to invite me for dinner Saturday. We were discussing my apartment as the lease is up in January. I’m paying a premium to have ready access to the ‘city’ and debating my options. She questioned why I was paying this premium seeing as I had no friends.
She didn’t mean it in a negative way. But that hurt. The reality, as a married man, I had my work colleagues who I occasionally have a social event, but otherwise I was hanging out with the family. Doing family things. Neighbors, kid’s events. I wasn’t bored in the least. I never cultivated any close friend relationship, just didn’t have the time.
Now it would seem I have nothing but time. Homos have nothing but time. Some use that time to obsess about themselves and others have developed a pseudo family, a gang of queers who they ‘hang with’. Like most gangs, there is a core group and perhaps a few remote orbit folks. I’m hell bent to find ‘a’ group. It’s tough, most groups really don’t want to add another person in. Worse, many of the groups have dynamics that almost seem to encourage you from NOT getting into a serious relationship. Yes, you can date a little, whore around if you must, but the group is not likely to really want your new partner within the group’s walls.
So here I am on a Sunday morning, TC Skype video ins, some 700 miles away, still in bed, he’s like a fresh batch of brownies, warm, brown, half naked. The brown tiger still half asleep growling about some boy who was pawing him. This is truly a whacked out situation.
But I hold on. I recognize that time will answer these questions, provide me the answers I really would like to have today. I’m packing up. 3 weeks of almost non-stop travel starts tomorrow.