Last night I attended a gay professional group gather at some guys DC condo. About 50 people, no one under 30, nicely dressed, I was probably the oldest troll in the group. I think I might be part Asian, no one could tell how old I was. I was talking to some frail guy who had some good business connections, I wanted to hold his arm as he took a seat, thought he might topple over. Looking at his web profile this morning, he’s 5 years younger than me! Rode hard and put up wet ain’t what the manufacturer recommends.
One common message I often hear from gay guys is their “I don’t need anyone to be happy”. They repeat it often and out loud. Single Guy in the City has a pull string (he’s been conspicuously quiet these last days, the warden is gonna have to go check his cell) touting this same message. But yet, we all want to be needed. We wanted to be needed by our friends, work colleagues and love interest. I mean, who wants to be in a relationship of any sort where you aren’t needed?
But yet we profess we don’t need anyone ourselves. Sounds kinda one sided. I want you to need me, but hell I don’t need you. An these guys wonder why they can’t hold down a relationship?
Well let me state for the record, I am one needy MOFU. I need to love and be loved. If there’s ever a place where co-dependency is required, it’s here. But it’s hard. We’ve all been in that spot where we liked someone more than they liked us. It’s not a good feeling. You feel like your standing naked on the side of I-80 right outside Iowa City, Iowa with a trucker honking at you. Like a shoe rubbing you the wrong way, over time a thick layer of skin appears.
You must believe and you must have faith. Belief and faith though are horrible companions, they tend to show up just when the sh*t hits the fan. Testing you just when you trying to recover from a hard night of drinking.
I had a nice time at this event, I felt welcome and the group mixed, they were after all there to meet people. I’ll go again and no doubt in time make a friend or new acquaintance. It wasn’t a hook-up situation, nobody got trashed, business cards were exchanged. I had to act all grown up (all day and now all night, oh boy).
Tiger Cub UPDATE: A meow came from the tall grass at 7 am London time, the internet at the dorm was dead yesterday. TC’s typing skills are akin to a caveman with chisel, short and misspelled. “Love you, miss you” was all I needed to hear to make it thru today. He’s my baby after all (sic).