My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Please someone tell me 39 is a good age!

PAR108183 TC has been telling his friends that I’m 42. My spine straightening and chest out, yes indeed, I’m still a spring chicken. But why, I ask, not 39, I can wean a couple of more years. “Chris – don’t be ridiculous, you can’t pull that off, I just don’t want them to think I’m dating a dirty old man”. I sulk away. I guess I’m not a spring chicken after all. My hair is almost gray, my eyesight is going, I can feel aches in my joints that weren’t there before, a wrinkle here, a little extra width there (and not in the good place), I move a little slower, damn it — I’m getting old.

But with age comes some learned experiences. I can explain why you never put cheese on fish, the nuances of sipping aged balsamic vinegar like a port wine or take you on a world trip discussing the numerous grape varietals and how wine is made. You will taste life with me. We can chat about the writings of Kafka or talk about how one of the most joyous of all Christmas songs was bequeath to us by a failure of a man who died almost penniless (Jingle Bells). I’m just full of all sorts of worthless bits n’ bobs.

Days I feel too old to retrain, just put me out to pasture. I’d be happy to sit on a park bench and feed the squirrels, f*ck everything. We’re all too important and too much in a hurry to enjoy life. I was saddened by the early death of George Carlin, his Thoughts on Life are worth reading. I fear most being alone, next to that I fear being with someone I really don’t wanna be with.

Well, I leave you know, I’m off to another ‘dam Dutch city today, back Tuesday night, don’t wait up.

3 Comments

  1. Chris:
    give me a break. Yes, 39 is a good age. But so is 47, and so is 56. If I can live with being 56, i.e., old, fat, and gay, you should be able to belly up to 47, and not wince at the number 42. Or are you wincing because he feels the need to reduce your age at all? What do you want? You are old enough to be his father.
    The “Goat” is 63, and while there are physical differences between us, they are all in his favor. And they pale beside the real differences: the difference between having been married seven years thirty years ago and having been married twenty-five years two years ago, for starters, not to mention looking at retiring with benefits in two years as opposed to having to work for ten more years.
    Sorry. I do feel sorry for you, just not as sorry as you seem to think I should be.
    Hang in there.
    Thing will work out.
    They always do…
    one way or another.
    T@C

  2. The lines “I fear most being alone” and “I fear being with someone I really don’t want to be with” really hit home for me. I have the same fears and worry about placing myself into either situation.

  3. It’s an oldie (no pun intended) but a goodie…You’re only as old as the man you’re feeling! So hang 39, you’re 23!!! 😉

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