My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Play the hand you’re dealt

I’m back from Toronto (did you miss me?) and it’s Saturday afternoon. Friend of mine calls and admonishes me for staying home. “You’re not getting any younger” as he urges me to get out and live my life.

OK – message received. Saturday night, I spruce myself up and off I journey into the city. Gonna have a drink, see the sights. I walk thru homoville, DuPont Circle and hit my two favorite bars. It’s not hard for me to go in. Not hard for me to find someone to chat with. The first bar, I’m over dressed, I have shirt with a collar, DC is not a fashionable city I’m afraid, out I go. The second bar is starting to fill with thugs, an unsavory element that comes with living in DC. I continue walking and I’m back home in under an hour.

In the early days, bright eyed and bushy tailed, the bars were a lot of fun, all sorts of wares to sample. I always found people to talk with but it never lead to any thing of consequence. Queers tend to be a flaky lot and not helping, DC is full of self important people. It’s LA without the good looks.

I got two important points decided. (1) I don’t like DC,  it’s not my city, gotta get out of here and (2) you’re not likely to make new acquaintances in a bar or online, thus I need to work other venues.

My friend also asked, “Are you scared to be without TC?”. As a master of the obvious, the reality is TC and I need to figure out how to be together. Failing that we will in effect have gone our separate ways.  That simple. Scared or not, the safety bar is down and I’m on the ride until we come back round to stop. Our situation can last perhaps 2-3 more months tops and then she’s gonna blow.

I also decided another important point. I’m a relationship person. A one horse rider. I don’t need or want any fag hags. Don’t need a clutch of queers to gossip with. Not interested in random hook ups, dating different people in a light mayo sortofa way. I’m playing a serious game and if you don’t have the roll to sit at my table, well the $5 ones are a bit further down. If things with TC don’t work out, I’ll look for his replacement, that simple. For now, though, I’m holding point.

The hardest thing is looking in the mirror and do your own self analysis. We easily lie to ourselves. Set reasonable expectations and timelines and follow them. Random emotional decisions result in a zig zag course which results in a longer duration to get to port or worse, a cruise to nowhere.

2 Comments

  1. Kudos to you Chris for at least making the attempt to put yourself out there. You have much to offer someone and it will all play out as it should. You are definitely at a crossroads. Only your gut can tell you which road to take.

  2. DC…dont leave. Who’ll be my bud??? I may not be living there for a year or so though! Until the economy improves. You are a relationship person! Totally..you were straight after all.

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