Gay guys and relationships are like diets, always some sort of scheme and widely varying, but never successful long term. Prof. Tim has been broken up from his BF for the last 3 years and yet to have any relationship more than a couple of dates. He professes he’s interested. But meanwhile, he’s got a little Latino guy who he is doting on in what appears to be a BF situation. Only there is no love and no sex, only companionship. What kind of relationship is this?
Long ago I wrote the biggest thing I got out of therapy is that relationships have 3 legs of the stool: sex, love & companionship (in order you choose). Without these 3 working in unison, you’re really not in a relationship. It’s so simple but the working logic of it makes total sense.
I am troubled because I have all 3 with Scrappy, yet I still find myself somewhat unsatisfied. How is that possible I wonder? While I haven’t done anything, I chat guys up, reading stuff online, all seemingly innocent. But why?
I read about guys who are cheating on their boyfriends (seems to be a common disease), guys now in open relationships either due to lack/type of sex or simply lack of interest. I’ve seen the other partner (the non decided one) in these open relationship, looking for a sex partner for no other reason than because their real partner is off the reservation again.
This is by no means limited to only the gay world. A quick look at Ashley Madison and indeed straight folks are up to go no good as well. But for what purpose, what is the goal here?
Happiness is a state of being, not a destination and the question is does this sort of behavior power our happiness meter? This behavior is dishonest and involves lying (worse case) or keeping secrets (best case). I’m not struggling asking you these questions; I’m struggling as me to address this. The root cause is not self evident.
Perhaps as men we are prone to self destruction. Take something good an fuck it all up (well worn track on this). Perhaps a deep seated urge to have casual non-binding relationships as part of our overall DNA.
While I’m not a religious person, I perhaps are looking for some higher power to just tell me what the right thing to do is? Perhaps.