My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

P.S. I love you

I’m not going to make it. TC has been gone now for five whole days. I know it’s been 5 days, because I used all my fingers up this morning counting. I miss my puppy.

It’s not a matter of me wanting to run off the ranch for some sexual romp. This last stint in Cologne solidified things, I miss him and I want him back. Today would be good and only he will do, sorry ManHunt.

I miss the early morning hours when I awaken and my 6’2″ frame snuggles up against Toronto Chris’s thin toasted body, which contours to accommodate me, my head buried in a swirl of his long black hair. I miss us talking about all kinds of things for hours on end. I long for the random hugs we exchange passing in a hallway. I even miss the random little tiffs we get into (“TC, Is this your sock in the refrigerator?!!!??!?“).

For I have discovered intimacy. A massive exchange of information, love and affection in a single caress. A feeling of both pleasure, comfort and security from a stolen kiss in an elevator. A moment of one as TC falls asleep on my shoulder, our hands locked peacefully together. It’s been elusive to me for years.

Yes, it’s sappy and maybe I need to write HallMark greetings (a distinct possibility in the next weeks). I wonder whether I had those for my wife in the early days, now so long ago? Maybe this is something new. Something that I should have had all the time, only I didn’t know. Now I know.

We’re human and in our daily busy lives we often fail to make time to stop and enjoy the company of our partner, the person who really matters. It’s not about that bouquet of flowers, or the dinner out, it’s an effort to have that intimate moment. The moment where you both flow together as one.  It’s a nice feeling, isn’t it? Try and go out and have one today, send me the bill.

3 Comments

  1. It’s called Love, but it does become Familiarity, and then the Spontanity disappears…..”we’re human and in our daily busy lives we oftain fail to make……….”
    Well you get the point. I hope the new job at HallMark goes well

  2. No Mark, I don’t see your point. Mark, couldyou ever write anythign other than an inane comment?

  3. This week I was in Greenbelt, MD for a couple of days on business. As my plane climbed out of BWI, banked and headed south, I looked down through an early October Friday afternoon haze and I thought of you, Chris, being down there somewhere in DC land. Later somewhere over the Carolinas, I gazed past the wing-tip with the ubiquitous “Southwest.com” and wondered what my life might(could) be in a parallel universe. Now I’m home with the wife and kids and the familiar obligations of my routine, comfortable, desperate, and safe life. I am not sure about anything anymore, but am unconvinced it could be better based on first hand accounts. I am not sure I could survive what I think I so desperately want but have never experienced. Not once. The gravity of the decision may be nothing to many or those who made the jump or have gone past the point of no return or time has dulled the consequence. However, being on the precipice, the foreboding forecast of change keeps me clinging to the edge.

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