My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Out in the hood

Thursday night, new job in hand, I went out for a celebration drink into the gayborhood alone last night. TC, predictably, went straight up into his tree where only snarling sounds were heard from the leaves. He called me this morning just to hang up on me. Ah … love.

Surprisingly, it was kinda of dead at JR’s as I entered. Cheap drink in hand, I scan the landscape, bunch of cackling homos. I find a lone older guy and decide he’s my ‘friend’ for the evening. A ripe old 46, fresh from a 9 year relationship, he considers himself a bear. His partner and he had broken up about some incident at a ‘sex’ club. Ah … men and their dicks, never far from drama.

He was happy to have the company but spent most of his time alternating between Grindr and a Scruff (Grindr for bears as I would learn). The conversation, pleasant as it was, was very fixated on talking about guys, what he liked, what I liked. Mostly physical attributes. Ah … men always have their dicks with them and ready for action.

Screaming about the constant music videos, we talked about the difficulty of gay relationships. So many of guys will chatter about it’s importance and 2 minutes later be on Grindr looking for Mr. Right Now. What I do know, is once you’re happily engaged, you’re best bet is to stay away far from the homo community. Thus the local scene is filled with nut jobs who can’t hold relationships and some minority who skimming the edges hoping to leave as soon as possible.

This differs significantly from the straight single scene where the majority are looking to find a long term partner while the minority are happy to play the field (classic singles bar hook-up).

As you know, I am petrified about the prospect of having to find a new relationship. Yes, I have TC, somewhere up in his tree. But we need to be together and I’m not going to waste either of our time on a long distance love. Yes, I’m willing to endure some prescribed period and be faithful, but to a point. His fear, and rightly so, is that I stumble on Mr. Right #2 and he becomes yesterdays memory. Well I have that fear too. Welcome to Homoville!

All of this is purely academic for the moment. I have more pressing matters. The process of the last 4 years has left me a bit jaded about all relationships, straight or gay, friend or foe. Hold precious those that you have, pursue vigorously those that have potential, plan for regular disappointment.  I have not cracked the combination yet, spinning the dials as I do. I recognize that I and perhaps you are might be different.


  1. Different is what makes the world go round…….as for “jaded”… have always been “realistic”…..I guess that can look “jaded” sometimes.

    We’re all in the same boat as far as being “left” for the next “Mr. Right”, but if we live in fear of that we can’t enjoy the moment. I wish you and TC would work out where you could finally move in together. I suppose with the “new job” you really aren’t as flexable…….the next move in your “chess” match will be interesting…….I may be a bit “jaded” also but I am still a romantic and hope you guys work it out.

  2. Congrats on the new job Chris.

  3. Meaningful relationships are not easy to find but they do happen. It’s sort of like hitting the lottery. You have to be very lucky but there are a lot of disappointments. Mostly disappointments. You’re right about most men. They’re only interested in the sex and they’re off to the next dick. Good luck.

  4. Oh, TC is so cute. Hangin up on you is so romantic. And he’s in London, but yoou are not. And that’s because ???? No wonder he’s upset with you. For shame. Follow your heart, and go after the love of your life. They don’t get better than TC. P.S.: How did he get time off so quickly from his new job? They must love him to let him go away for a month to London. Is he cutting hair for them there?

  5. Yay! Chris got permission to play but just for one night. Make best use of your pass from the old ball and chain. Despite your reservations you know what you want so go for it with TC. It’s better to regret the things you do rather than the things you don’t.

  6. We are all scared to be “single” but that is not a good reason to stay in a bad relationship. Interesting words you used in this post…terrified. Glad I’m not the only one.

    Single for almost a year!!!

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