My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

On the road again

I’m in far northern Germany. A place where smoked eel is the specialty food. I’m trying to figure out how much I have to drink to enjoy this fish. I’m visiting my 73 year old Aunt. Her husband died several years ago and despite being outgoing, she’s lonely. She’s telling me about my father and his younger days.

My father is approaching 80 and also alone despite having had numerous girlfriends and being married three times. As she’s talking about my father, I’m hearing many of his personality attributes that could just as well be me.


It’s unfortunately a reflective moment for me. By my age, we all should have a good sense of who we really are. There are many things I’d like to change in myself. Change is to beyond a certain degree impossible; I was pre-programmed at the factory. But I can be aware of what I consider defects and try and steer around them, acknowledgement being the first step. We all need to value and welcome more the people who want to be part of our lives.


In the middle of this TC has called twice. Whether he was jealous, bored or dare I guess, missing me – I won’t try an analyze. I’ll just be happy for the attention. I need to recognize his contribution to our relationship, the effort and what he brings as his own personal touch.


  1. I’m not certain if is just for the aged like myself that you’ve typed this particular blog in a larger type, but I for one love it…..
    20 years ago (god has it been that long well anyway) I learned a valuable lesson. I had a rather nice position but it was also a franatic position and, looking back I realize that I had become something I hated in others…..I was throwing my weight around and being “arrogant”. I didn’t look at it that way at the time, but when I was told I wouldn’t be going back to see those people I was shocked. I reflected on realized what an ass I was. I never did get to return but I took a lesson away from that trip and have tried to be more humble since. What I’m saying here is that, yes we do get well programmed, but if we make ourselves aware of “horrible” patterns we can chose to change them.
    You’re doing a lot of reflecting…..use it to good advantage.

  2. You are on a constant journey to improving yourself, in the most unselfish and truly philosophical manner I have ever seen. You are so dedicated to self improvement and having the best most meaningful gay relationship (with your little cub) that I have ever seen. My hat is off to you.

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