My wife left yesterday morning with notice that she would not be returning home until later that evening. Her "stud" boy was back from the Middle East and obviously needed a good shag. So I played dad and at 10:30 p.m. she ambled back into the house, hair a bit unkempt and carrying a little overnight bag.

How disgusting. Some 57 year old who last week was humping a camel is now doing my wife. Flab, gray thinning hair, no hair, worse a bald spot, wearing pleated pants. Some deputy economic adviser raking in government contract dollars to help the helpless. I'm gonna be sick.

I don't look 47, I'm immature, fun, high spirited, boundless energy, creative, youthful, clear skinned on, and and and. A 57 yo, give me a break. I hoping I'm dead by then.

At least have the decency to go off for the weekend. Get a hotel room. Make a night of it. Dinner, dance and then screw. But to meet him at his house the same day he lands, jump in the sack for a little fun time with Bobby and then come home to the kiddies. Just sounds pure animal to me. Is this the elegant woman I once married?

Maybe I should just post her on craigslist, urban cougar needs to be do'd for NSA sex romp, pop round for a noon'er.

Yeah, I should be compassionate, caring, considerate and probably something else with a "c". Nah. Too much work, not enough pay back. So no, I don't like it, and no, there's nothing I can do about it, so I shall just stew.

So before you post some little "helpful" or snide comment, save it, go watch your stock portfolio decline. NO COMMENTS TODAY, nahahnananan — I can't hear you.