My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Not everyone went to my school

TC tore off to NYC tonight for a bachelorette party and not a moment too soon, he’s done tried to kill me these last 2 days. In the dark last night, we talked about what he wanted in his life in the next couple of years. TC wants to be able to take of himself, well duh. But I dug deeper and there in the pitch black room, he admitted that he mainly feared that when the 2015 Asian Collection came in, I would dump him unceremoniously and leave him high n’ dry one cold winter’s day.

Welcome to the gay world of relationships built on moving foundations. I didn’t have to look further than Single in the City whose live-in boyfriend recently announced “ugh this isn’t working, can you move out on Tuesday” (I’m paraphrasing here). If you can turn off a relationship like a light bulb, what’s the incentive for the involved parties to make it work? You’re only one really good argument away from a break up. Plus there are no penalties for bad behaviour (like cheating beforehand – oops and I already have a new boyfriend). Have a couple of these deals thrown on you and no surprise you get a little jaded and suspect at all relations.

Clearly, straight marriage has all sorts of legal hooks and pop a few kids in the oven and sometimes the inverse happens, there’s no way to get out. Marriage entails both a social, financial and legal element. I guess as you get older, you get a bit settled and recognize that the grass isn’t always greener so you likely invest more time in making things work versus two twenty-somethings sharing a flat in SoHO, living together more out of convenience than love.

I’ve been sorta neutral on gay marriage, I’m old school, a commitment is a commitment, a man’s word is his word and no amount of legal writing can cover all the details. I applied that to relationships and it’s served me well. But perhaps legalizing marriage would help settle many of the insecurities of gay relationships, get it more out in the open for social acceptance, put some financial teeth into it and provide the legal assurances to each partner they need feel solid.

I’m not some advocate so don’t get your heart pounding expecting to see me at Pride 2010 waving some banner.


  1. Bingo. Do you see why people want to get married? I agree with you. You have no security in gay relationships. There is a lot keeping straight people together..but not so in the gay world. You are growing up!

  2. A gay marriage may make things look a bit more secure, however there’s another problem. It needs lots of effort to live in the proper vicinities granting you such rights and a willing person who wants to stay with you more than 2-3 years.
    But kids are great binders even in gay marriages!

  3. And you thought you could get rid of me so easily – found you!!! 😉

  4. There are lots of good reasons gays should be allowed to marry (domestic partnership………whatever you want to call it). For us old “farts” there is the matter of estate planning (read here not getting screwed by state and federal government on estate tax).

    It’s interesting that TC is more concerned about you moving on then you are about his “moving on”……

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