My postings of late have been a bit lame. Unknown to you, my communications with a 21 yo university senior have been maddening. I only recently learned his real name. He’s a mini-me and I start each day with an email from him,a daily 1 hour telephone call and close the day with a note. I’ve never met him, but he’s the closest thing to sanity I’ve got. He’s nailed me on the whole marriage thing. I can’t wiggle away from him. I’m either angry or desiring to wrap my arms around him.
My wife and I are clinging to a life preserver floating in the ocean and no SOS was sent. We’re going to have to perish in order to be reborn. Yet, we hold on stubbornly, hoping that we will be rescued. We live for each other and the thought of life without one another is traumatic.
I’m a little gay. Unfortunately, in the Gay Olympics that enough to play. I’m not into hair styling, I don’t go to Cher concerts and the word "fabulous" is just gay. I may love my wife. But I suck cock. That unfortunately doesn’t make for good long term marriage prospects.
We don’t have a handicapped child, nor money problems, or a drunken in-law or rebellious children. I always think twice when I see a family with such a situation. My wife and I aren’t trying to kill each other. This poor women has done nothing but try and support me.
We’re stuck on the tracks between stations. Anxiously looking out the window for a signal, listening for an announcement. I’m sure I will never find anyone who loves me as much as she does. I will find someone though. She, on the other hand, may be a duck without a mate.
I’m late to this "coming out" game, it’s 4th quarter, 2 minutes on the clock. I’m going to have to sprint. It’s the sudden realization that you may have lived the best part of your life that’s most haunting. You now get the real me, I’m not worried for myself, I’m worried for her. It’s at this point when you know how much you love someone.