My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

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A reader has engaged with me via email about my relationship with TC. Now this reader isn’t just some Joe about town, he’s obviously quite intelligent, educated and perhaps got some expertise in how people think.

His email starts by buttering me up on how great I am. I am indeed. But even I clearly can hear above the band noise, the trigger being cocked. He aims carefully, provides all kinds of disclaimers and takes his best shot. His fundamentally question is whether TC has the capability to go the distance with me.

While he agrees that love, sex and companionship are must haves. He counters that all the evidence shows that there must be a strong element of ‘personal’ compatibility if you want a relationship to last – because in the end you both become representatives for each other to the world.

He continues not to offer opinion but simply to ask questions. Do you both have the same level of intelligence, emotional intelligence, resources, social attitudes, energy and attitudes to work, status and achievement for example?  Do you both genuinely have shared interests? He writes on and concludes, “Can TC access your world?”

I gulp hard and reach for the small bottle of brandy to fortify my night-time tea. In actuality my reader has asked a business question, “What has TC brought to the table?” I gulp again. Brandy should definitely come in gallon jugs.

I tried to frame this in my mind, “if I were in a straight relationship and TC was a woman” would I be in a relationship with him/her. The good news, I found some Irish whiskey hidden in the back behind the Cointreau. My vision starts to blur.

These questions are very upsetting. The answers even perhaps more so. Trying to replace my wife is a tough act for any other human being to follow. She’s a classy and intelligent woman. I’ve met plenty of married woman I would have out for the Tuesday trash pickup (and I’m not talking the blue recycling bin either).

Is it fair to impose those standards on TC? But I am deflecting, Would I be better served with a perhaps an older guy I might consider more in my country club? How about maybe a young upstart fag, well-educated, energized to match my ambition? Or am I simply the old geezer who goes for the big boobed blonde, entertained with the sheer novelty of a new sports car.

Like it or not, you play the cards you hold in your hand. You can’t imagine cards you’re not holding. You play the hand you’ve got.

Prior to meeting my wife,  I dated only a few handful of woman. My first long-term GF was a loser. A bad egg who I dated for 5 years. I knew she was no good for me. But I didn’t dump her (which I should have). Men don’t dump to nothing. We’re not built that way. Luckily, my ambition got me to Europe and she choked on moving.  I then played the field a little. Nothing terribly serious, dinner and a movie. When I met my wife, I just knew this was the girl I’m gonna married. She laughed that I didn’t propose, but whipped out my calendar and asked for us to pick a date.

I am deflecting. Next window please, this one is closed.


  1. Thanks for sharing the question, as well as your response to it, Chris. I am asking the same thing myself about my boyfriend (24 years younger) – we live together and have the love and sex. But those questions about personal compatibility really hit home. I left my wife (who is not as classy as yours)for this guy. I need to really think hard so I don’t end up a few years later saying “why didn’t I just move on back then”? It’s really a tough call. Good luck as you work through your issues with TC.

  2. Ouch!! Your fans do ask some tough questions, don’t they?

  3. hey makes some valid points. I’ve dated guys who I have had a lot of in common with but then sometimes I am attracted to guys with very different values and interests. Neither type of relationships worked. I would not worry. You have a gay relationship…so it is kindda doommed anyways..just enjoy the sex!

  4. I have often posed the same questions for you, but you ended up blocking me as a result. Bottom line, I agree with your email commenter.

  5. Tough questions indeed! Chris, really like to know your thoughts and what you decide is right for you. I guess there may be a forth bucket to consider.

  6. Chris: Don’t let Single Guy scare you off, you can make it work as long as trust and love is there.

  7. “To represent you to the world.” That is the role of a politician’s wife. Yuck! Your reader has upset you because of your fears of lost social status. Ignore him, he is playing to your worse side.

    If you have love, sex and companionship you have all that is necessary for a marriage. If you need representation hire a hostess or a lawyer or a PR flack.


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