Drama, it would seem, is never far from my door. For the last two weeks, TC has become increasingly prickly to deal with and looking to get offended at anything I say or do. Conversations have become one sided, focused on his problem de jour. I understand him all to well, he’s perceives he has a lot of stressful things on him and he does, work (the fact he has to put in 45 hours a week is a killer), where he is going to live, parents and somewhere in that mix I have some role.
Two days ago, he got mad at me about some innocent comment and hung up the phone. I’m patient. I waited and called the next day, he answered, said he was mad at me, why, you know why and hung up again. My follow-up calls and emails have not elicited a response and no point banging my head against the wall. I stopped.
Long term readers will no doubt recognize that we’ve played this game before. I say something that pisses him off. He growls around. I play nice, he hisses a bit more, some sweet talk and down from the tree he comes. Yup. But this time I fear it’s different. TC is young and immature, no one likes to be told they’re immature, we all are to some respect. But he is. Unproven and untested. Like all young people, he wants everything now, on his terms and with no delay and forgetful about what he has, more focused on what he wants.
Before you start commenting, “I deserve better”, “You shouldn’t tolerate this“, save your words, I’m afraid this story will need to play out until I say it’s over. It’s my call. I’m the captain. You are merely a spectator waving to me as I sail away (let me know if it says Titantic on the side though).
You know your relationship is in trouble when you stop communicating. In fact, I see this in other couples, they stop talking other than perfunctory stuff (“where are my car keys”), a divide starts to form, a gap appears and suddenly there is distance where there was none before. Now this person, who previously was your partner is someone you feel you don’t even know anymore. It will take great effort by both parties to pull things together.
I don’t mind arguing, as long as love & respect are still the core ingredients. Arguing forces your emotion, like squeezing the last glob from that tube of toothpaste, great energy for relatively little return. At the end, exhausted, you hopefully conclude it was simply wasted energy. The one to fear is when silence take hold.
We shall see what happens with my young brown partner. I can ‘t suddenly stop loving him but a crack is indeed developing.