Nothing makes Scrappy happier than me getting fat, tired, old and just plain worn out. This has been a jubilee week for him.
First, I finally went in for annual physical. I’ve been border line high blood pressure and unfortunately, I’ve gone over the border (in more ways than one). Doc says unless I get it down to South of the Border in the next months, he’s gonna medicate my ass. Great. High blood pressure is the silent killer, runs in my family. Another nail for my coffin.
Says I can potentially control it by not drinking, cutting out some red meat, lowering salt intake, exercising more and getting more vegetables. Why don’t you just put me out of my misery now?
OH since you’ve now turned 50, we’re gonna need to shove a garden hose up your ass say 6 or 7 feet and have a good look see. Gonna be a multiday event douching out your system completely, followed by shoving your fat ass into some doctor and assistant’s face before they knock you out. You then spend the next days “passing gas” with some mild pain. Sounds like great fun.
I figured I was due for an eye exam, having worn cheapo reading glasses for last 3 years. Well the doctor proclaims my eyes are all fucked up (one is worse than the other). I need bi-focals plus some reading glasses and bam another $500 is gone. The saving grace is my wife picked me up and she was joyful about “you’re getting older”, so I made her get her eyes examed and shit howdy, she’s coming up fast behind me as well. Bam another $400 for her glasses.
Scrappy is elated.
The end is near and getting nearer and so we all have limited time to waste. Get on with it man.