My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

My kids and me

I’m receiving a fair bit of email traffic behind the scenes. It’s all appreciated, people offering kind advice, thoughts and hopes. One common question, “what about your kids?”

Earlier, I only told someone about my family under duress. I thought it bad to have a family. I just wanted to be a normal gay guy. I quickly realized the type of guys I liked were actually excited about my family. I had kids, a legacy going forward, it was to be respected and cherished.

I had a touch of sadness for my new friends. They would never have a traditional family and there was much about it they desired. The joy of smothering your own little one with kisses, watching them babble their first words or ride a bike. I realized how lucky I was. Kids have made me a different person, a better person, I hope.

I’m a lot more affectionate than I was. Certainly less self-centered. I learned to be generous, giving & forgiving. An in the midst of it all, I learned how to drink (helpful with teenagers).

I have two boy ages 12 & 14. This is picture I made for the splash screen of my GPS (OK I’m a geek). The oldest one (on the right) is like me. Tall, blonde, hair, blue eyes. Smart, straight A’s. Driven. He’s a geek as well. Half crazed player of Halo. A classic music fan, he is in the orchestra.

The younger one, is like my wife, bull headed, sensitive, a bit dis-organized, natural talent for languages, prone to wearing Led Zepplin shirts, smells fun some days and has multiple guitars. I’m looking for a bong in his room.

Neither has any idea about me. The little one has radar that our relationship is amiss. But other than that, family life goes on.

I’m not going into this gay thing quietly. It’s not my style. Screw you, if you can’t handle it. But I need to protect my kids. It’s a critical life juncture for them. Parents break up all the time and the kids lived. But both my wife & I suffered when our respective parent’s divorced. We’re equally committed to making sure this doesn’t happen again. There’s no need, we’re not fighting or trying to kill each other. We entertain, have meals, sleep in the same bed, have conversation.

Some gay guys have said, you’re gay you should get divorced. With all due respect, they don’t understand, simply because they can’t. Yes, the day will come and my kids will need to know (especially if daddy is dating one of their friends).

They’ll need to know we wanted to protect them until they could deal with it. But, most of all, that we love them.


  1. Believe me I understand. My soon to be ex wife and I are best of friends. We wanted to make sure that the kids came first. When we finally decided that we couldn’t keep going in January we both agreed our sons wedding in June was to be about him. So we didn’t say anything to anyone until after the wedding. Your kids are special, so are mine.
    Just let them know that they will always be loved.

  2. I understand. I’d be doing the same thing if I were in your position.

  3. Most gay guys don’t understand what it means to be selfless. When you become a parent all your priorities in life change and you no longer have the ability to be selfish. I am glad that you see this and didn’t just divorce your wife and break up your family. You are looking out for what’s best for your children and I admire that very much. I can’t imagine all that you are going through, but I offer my ear if you ever need someone to talk to…

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