My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Money, money, money

TC reminded me it’s now 3 years since I left my home. Yet I am still married. We have a joint checking account. I pay all the bills. Maintain two households. My wife has a small job with a modest income (but good benefits which I am on). For tax reasons, there is little incentive to be divorced and in fact, I consider my home as my permanent residence.

I have perhaps held some foolish notion that this is all one big dream. That I might awaken and in my little bed, pancake and bacon smells wafting into the room beckoning me to sit down for a Saturday morning breakfast with the family. It is a dream and you can always dream, right?

But the reality is indeed different. Money is tight, dual households are expensive to maintain, the home needs some repairs. College will need to be paid for. Whether we like it or not, we will need to go our separate ways. My wife can’t afford to pay for a 1-bedroom apartment, surely she can remarry, beautiful, plenty of suitors, pick the rich one would be my suggestion.

Divorce happens all the time but it’s worse when neither party truly wants divorce. Best to have the ‘fuck you’ it’s all mine mentality with a lawyer named Al Finberg as your council. A huge showdown battle, lines drawn, things carved up.

My wife has no clue about money. Zero. Never had much of an interest and that worked for me. But she must deal with the fact that I won’t always be there to support her anymore. She must also work to ensure that whatever agreement we do, I can’t bankrupt myself in the process.

Not difficult, but not pleasant. Stark reality is always hard to face down.


  1. wow, you describe my situation to a T, although, I’m done with the college thing. She wants to work this out but can not handle the nuts and bolts, it immediately goes to the emotionally level. My house is in Maryland I live in Boston, can keep it up for awhile but not forever at this level. Stuggling how to make it happen.


  2. Your situation is a lot like mine too. K relies on me now, but is in school and in 12 to 18 months she will be able to take care of herself. But the fact is that neither of us really wanted to be divorced. We both liked telling people how long we had been married. The look on people’s faces when we told them about 15 years of marriage was rewarding in itself.

    Now we are on track to be another statistic.

  3. You’ll be supporting her if she wants you to……ever heard of a thing called alimony? It’s alive and well. Depending how liberal of a state you live in (Mass would be the worst) depends on how bad you’ll be screwed. Twenty years of marriage? That could be ten or fifteen years of alimony.

    I had no idea how bad the family court system was….until it happened to me. And I got off easy. Could have been far worse.

  4. Reality…you have responsibilities….but I’m sure you will sort them out. You are very generous!

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