I’m back from the beach. Did you miss me? Admit it, you did.
Dropped the kids at the house, wife has cooked dinner, nice evening, but drama is never far in my world. We’re talking about my wife’s mother. A lovely lady. I feel closer to her family than to my own in many regards. The youngest one blurts out that grandma is coming to visit for Christmas and better yet my wife’s new boyfriend is using his miles for the trip. Such a nice man. Oh but it gets better.
Since the big news is out, my wife reveals that her mother isn’t comfortable with me and thus I shouldn’t expect to be invited over for any holiday events. The dates, December 20th thru the New Year. Sounds like a solid 2 week to me. Course I’m welcome to pick-up the kids and do stuff, not that they particularly like doing stuff with me.
I was angry, mad, upset, hurt — a real royal flush. My wife tried the “it’s not you, it’s me” routine, stating her mother is old, Catholic, angry at me for living a lie, doing this to her daughter. It’s not like I’ve left them sitting on the curb with a McDonald’s coupon.
I drove home. I tired to be logical. All the shit that is happening is my fault. I started this entire pachinko machine and the balls are going everywhere and fuck me all you want, it’s me whose doing the fucking. So if I need to complain, I need only pop round to the front window and yell at myself all I want.
I am attempting to hold on to what appears to be married life. Keeping up appearances and the like. My wife is obviously trying to move on with her life, best she can.
I continue to think, how would I deal with this if I were in a solid relationship on solid ground. Probably I’d be in hurry to get divorced, tidy up the loose ends and get on with the game. Ah — but not so fast. I’m alone. A screwy relationship with TC. The prospect of me in my little apartment during the holidays has me looking for a rope.
We men are cowards. Deal the cards but don’t like the hand. I am clearly in a new phase and I need to rely on the knowledge I have gained. Namely, don’t monkey around, once you know what needs to be done. Do it. Minimize time in the gray zone. Try not to fiddle with too many knobs at the same time.
I’ll let you know how it’s going.