Magic elixir

I am a marketing person and this requires a willingness to experiment, try something new, monitor the results and move accordingly. So a few weeks back I posted an ad on Craigslist looking to date ‘someone’. The ad was written in my unique quirky style which I hoped was thought provoking and sincere. I included a few of my trademark grammatical errors to show off my Southern roots. Finally, I shaved a few years off of my age (since most my age had a tyrannosaurus as a childhood pet). I decided not to provide a photo of any sort.

Now when you do a marketing campaign, you need to target an audience, so I choose Asian. What? Don’t look at me like that, we’re doing this for scientific purposes! I had to pick a category so why not the Snap, Crackle, Pop one? Next time you get to pick. I hit ‘send’ and waited.

In 3 hours, I had 3 responses, all quite sincere and interestingly all 3 provided a body shot of themselves (not X-rated). This was kinda of meaningless as all Asian have the same body type. Crispy. All commented how they liked my sincere posting, all the dialog was G-rated. So I dutifully sent them my real face photo, my mobile number and a nice little note hope we could get together.

Within an hour 2 of them had called. The 3rd I simply never heard from again. The first one was pleasant, sounded cute, but clearly cautious, we talked for about 25 minutes. The called ended with a vague follow-up plan, the ‘maybe I’ll contact you’ sort of thing and I’ve heard nothing from the guy since.

The final candidate wrote me a flowery prose email and sent a professional headshot. Ugh. But OK, I’m still game. He called and talked for almost an hour. A high school teacher of chemistry at a private school, he’s last relationship was 3 years ago (my f*cking god) and he professed the classic gay theme song, “All I need is my friends” bullsh*t. He was quite eager to meet for a coffee and has written back several times to me. He lives way out in Maryland so meeting during the week isn’t possible.

Just talking I realized I had little in common with him. He seemed quite amazed that I popped over to Paris so quickly (it’s what you call an airplane) and perhaps he feels he’s fishing outside of his pond. His face photo made me want to immediately install lower wattage light bulbs. But but but. I was and am still willing to meet for a coffee.

I’m not 100% sure I can read someone accurately over the phone and it’s clearly easy to dismiss someone you haven’t met and just had an electronic exchange with. My point in all this is you have to try, be willing to put yourself out there, recognize that most gay guys want to find love, but suspicious about virtually everything, mainly because they’re quite insecure and finally, ugly can’t make up for a good personality.

TC is aware of the Craiglist test. Told him in Paris and had to claw him off the ceiling, but he understood best he could, though he growled quite a bit.

TC UPDATE: Well the shit god’s rained on TC. He didn’t sleep in the dorm like setting, was up at 5 a.m. (an hour he’s normally just going to bed) and a bird took a crap in his hair while on the way to the training class. He found out he needs a criminal background report and had me calling all around trying to figure out how to get it, frantic as the ship won’t allow you onboard without it. Finally, he’s figured out how to f*ck up his Mac (74% of male Mac owners are gay) so now it won’t charge the battery. Our day ended with his battery giving out right in the middle of a Skype call.

One Response to “Magic elixir”

  • Anon:

    Where did you find that statistic about Mac users? I do think it may be correct. If I have two Macs then I shouldn’t be questioning my sexuality. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Previously on mytripout