My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Love, like u a bunch, or I just don’t know

I left a recent copy of Metroweekly, the local gay newspaper, somewhere in my home office. Coming home, my wife is in tears, “What’s this?”. Well, what does it look like? “What are you doing with this¬† filth in our house, just look at these pictures? {insert some hot guy}”. I explain I like to read it, no big deal, look but don’t touch. Well this boils into a yet another (but perhaps) needed conversation.

Months ago, our couple’s therapists asked each of us, “why we love each other?”. My wife struggled to answer. I listed a series of positive attributes. So much for that. Last night, my wife brings up this question again. She basically felt then (and now) that it was a stupid question. Why do you love someone? Her thoughts were that this was a not series of attributes but simply how you felt, something that perhaps could not be explained in words. You either loved someone unconditionally or you didn’t.

The ‘net, she continued, if she had not truly loved me that she would have quickly divorced me in the midst of my “let’s go out to the ballpark” moments. She loved me despite the fact I’m often difficult to manage, arrogant and some other less than stellar characteristics. The final slam was she said William probably had nailed my personality accurately. Well that’s it – I’m organizing a brunch for the two of them.

Do I love her? Do I love anyone? Have I ever loved anyone?¬† I’m not sure what the feeling is supposed to be. Do you just know it? I left the conversation a bit confused about just where my own emotional state is.

2 Comments

  1. That’s because life is ongoing……with no play book.
    Listen you’re trying to do what you think is best. This doesn’t mean your a “straight” guy all of a sudden. I suspect it means you respect your wife more than anyone else in your life…..and you would like to think you can make this work.

  2. Of course you love her, and she loves you.
    Love is not just a feeling or a word, but a cumulative series of choices and actions.

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