Sometime in March 2007 – told both therapists that I’m looking for a model, a roadmap, a blueprint for how others have dealt with this. Surely I’m not the first nor the last. There’s a support group of married (current/past) gay men who meet at a Dupont Circle church twice a month. I decide to attend. What the hell.
I shuffle into the meeting room. No idea what to expect. I’m a bit early. The meeting gets underway. 10 guys in total (including me). They’re all clearly in their 50’s, I’m uncomfortable, but the group is working to make me feel welcome. I’m OK.
A nicely dressed gentlemen outlines the rules. Each person gives a ~5 minute overview of their situation, followed by a general conversation on whatever topic people want to discuss. Luckily, I get to go last, I tell it like it is.
I’ll summarize the evening. 7 of the guys, the minute they opened their mouth were as gay as the sun shines. Flaming would be the appropriate word. I was waiting for Laura Ashley floral prints to be shown. Most admitted to their wives PRIOR to even marrying that they "liked" guys. WTF are women that crazy?
A number were tormented because they had strong religious beliefs and church ties where gay was not accepted (poor sods). Of the group, 6 were divorced and 3 indicated they were well on the way to being divorced.
One guy that I identified with was an obvious professional, nicely dressed, 4 kids, married 20 years. He explained how he told his wife 5 years ago and they’re now on the way to getting a divorce. BTW stop looking at me like that you dirty old man.
So much for finding a model. Maybe there isn’t one. Maybe I’ll have to be a trail blazer on my own.
No matter what model I find, they’re going to be under 35. 🙂