My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Living large

Whether it’s 7 a.m. or 7 p.m., TC is calling. It’s midnight in London and he and his mates are out at BJ’s White Swan, one of the oldest gay bars/clubs in London, deep in the East end. The music is blaring as he tries to speak. It’s a heartbeat phone call. The tiger is still purring.

This ‘Misfit’ analogy has on deeper thought helped me greatly. I like boxes. I try to get along with people (despite what I often write) and I tried very hard to fit into the gay scene. I had no idea what that meant. Bitchy catty behaviour. Talking all the time about guys. House music or show tunes? Obsessing about my looks? Changing my clothing style? Glaming about some horrible hookup? There clearly was the need to feel like I fit in.

But I don’t. Fit in that is. AnĀ  I probably won’t. In fact, there’s no need to change me at all. You get what you see. The reality is, I’ve been here all along, my old self, just needed a tad polishing up.

Now clearly there are many newly pressed gay men, who are delighted to be in the circle, finally free to express themselve and admit they strategically shave and pluck their eyebrows. Good for you. But if you’re not one of them, more relating to my stories, well, I think we have to find some comfort in that and in ourselves.

The book author had written that I likely intimidate many gay men. I refuse to play the reindeer games and they know it. Their responses are varied from trying to intimidate me to simply disappearing into the night.

But one little brown tiger knows. There in a sea of pasty Brit ass boys all trying to get their paws on this exotic little brown ass, he’s calling me. A little sick and a little drunk, he’s marking his territory. He knows he’s got a great thing going us two nut jobs together and he’s laser locked on it. I comforted by that and also comforted that lightening can strike twice should this go astray along the way.

I hope you will too strive to be you. Clearly there are moments where we’re all trying on different persona, but those old slacks and worn shoes are likely that way for a reason, recognize you can be you.

1 Comment

  1. Oh Chris, beneath that tough guy exterior, you’re just a big softie, no wonder TC won’t give up on you.

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