My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Live now, pay later

Re-reading my previous post and looking at the comments, I realize readers may have mis-read what I mis-wrote when I mis-thought it.

My point with Prof. Tim isn’t that his relationship broke up. Folks, there is no forever, there is only the here and now. He had 10 years with someone, good at him. He made a decision to move onward, good for him again. But you can’t second guess your decisions, you gotta own them and move on with them. Tim has now spent nearly a year bantering back n’ forth with his partner. Thinking, re-thinking, talk, sharing, considering and all kinds of other verbs as well. But the net-net is that he will be alone and free and clear of any shackles by the end of this month. Good at him again, get on with it.

Now if he’d known where he’d be this time last year, don’t you think he would have wanted to save himself a year of emotional screwing around and just get on with whatever. The answer is a resounding YES. So why didn’t he?

Because he, like you, like me, somehow enjoy being in this gray little box. A box where we rationally know the answer but we irrationally determine that somehow we can defy gravity and that some new choice is going to emerge that defies all sorts of logic but somehow satisfies a long list of immediate needs.

Homos get in this box all the time (except they decorate it a bit more). If I meet one more homo in search of true love, I’m gonna throw up. A woman hits 30, she goes into over drive, getting pretty, being sweet, cooking and in total attack mode.  Homos seem to go in the opposite direction. They get more suspicious, make long lists of what they want,  start playing all sorts of new games and catty is an understatement. It gets worse as they age.

Scrappy and I went to a Single in the City’s farewell event (just get the fuck out of town now how about it you’re cramping my style!) and one of his friends arrived. SIC loves this guy, says he’s one of the nicest {insert all sorts of adjectives}. However, every time I’ve seen him it looks like he’s got a stick up his ass. I observe him walking around. You can see the darting eyes, as he circulates, calculating, wondering, thinking and in the midst of this, he comes off as aloof and unapproachable. Who wants to mess with that? The lights at his airport are off for anyone looking to make a landing.

Now reality, SIC’s friend is probably all of those adjectives. But I sense he’s in his own little gray box. What color is your little gray box? Try and not spend much time in whatever box you’ve constructed. Far too much to see, people to meet and places to go to stay there forever.

3 Comments

  1. You are such a bitter homo

  2. Ouch..Agree with T !

  3. I guess I like bitter because I agree with you. Big surprise.

    From what I know (and how much is that???) you’re exactly right. The thing is, gray boxes are manifestations of human nature. Extricating ourselves from them is a process that takes time. Ideally we should be able to say, “This is stupid, time to move on” but saying it, believing it and doing it are all very different things.

    Is there a difference between bitter and life experience? Just wondering.

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