My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Little boxes

Years ago, in my early days, I had tried match.com to meet guys. Real ones, sincere ones, ones who were looking for something other than a fender bender. It didn’t produce much result of any type. Mostly I seemed to attract overweight flaming fags. I gave this up soon enough.

In Hong Kong, I’ve tried again on perhaps a sleaze site without necessarily a pretext of just sex, but also not one of looking for love. Mind you, I’m not looking for love, or even lust, but just new people. So no, I have don’t have half naked photos of myself or filled my profile with torrid stories of intrigue. Nonetheless, I’ve attracted a  number response. I nicely respond to everyone (at least if they are acting semi-intelligent, a “wassup dude” isn’t like to get an answer from me).

Many are happy to go back n’ forth, as I like to put people in little boxes, here’s how I would categorize my dealings:

The “I have no fucking clue” dude – these guys seem to enjoy endless emails without any seeming purpose. They start off friendly enough, but the conversation goes all over the place. WHAT DO YOU WANT? I scream at my screen. Do you wanna hookup? Meet as a friend? Looking for love? WHAT WHAT WHAT please tell me because I have no idea where this is going.

The “Look at me, I’m pretty” – these boys are the ones with their tops off showing their abs, usually with professionally shot photos. It seems they mainly are collecting compliments from other guys to feed their egos or insecurity. I found you can keep them engaged as long as you’re feeding them compliments as peanuts. If you get them really turned on, they might offer up a naked photo. But that’s about as far as it goes.

Picture collectors – I don’t have any naked photos on my profile or even remotely naked (people may have just eaten) nor do I hint I have more to show, but that doesn’t stop anyone. Mostly these guys send you some semi-sexy posed photos and start to chat but along the way they ask if you have any more photos to share. If you say no, they seem to quickly lose interest.

I have a boyfriend and looking for new friends – Which I have come to understand means, “my boyfriend isn’t fucking me enough” or better “I wish my boyfriend would quit fucking me because I’m not turned on by it”.  I guess this is the gay version of living on the downlow. These guys are pretty fickle, they seem to be searching for some guy, better than what they’ve got, with no risk.

The nut job – used to be nut jobs were hard to spot, not anymore. The guy whose written some profile that sounds like he should be finger painting in a nice place for the criminally insane. “I like how the color orange sounds, I enjoy feeling the warm breeze to my back as I contemplate the meaning of life”‘.  If they have ‘fisting’ as a hobby or interest, that should answer more than you want to know.

I’m available right now – I like this type of guy, he’s all business. I’m here for sex. Like an ebay sex shop, he’ll tell you what he has on offer, take a check of what you’ve got on your plate, calculate how horny he is, what other deals he has cooking and how much work you will take and quickly make a decision. OK perhaps not my sort of thing, but at least some transaction occurs.

I’m looking for a relationship – these are the sweethearts, they want someone to take them to dinner, then take them home and fuck them senseless. They want to talk, kiss and act like boyfriends in like 5 minutes. I understand as well.

Finally, the real deal  – not many of these, those really looking for a boyfriend, something a bit more sincere, I like these guys too, they write nice prose and seem quite sincere.

What is clear in all this. Men are out looking for other men.  For all the comic relief above, I have actually made contact with nice people, not for hook-ups, but to make a new contact in a honest friendly not meet Mr. Beanstalk way.  I think it requires a clear mind about what you are looking for, what you will accept and most importantly, the ability to quickly discard those outside of those parameters. In any event, it’s plenty of fun!

1 Comment

  1. OMG – since I’ve come out – I’ve met some really nice guys, just as friends the exact same way – you have to wade through a fairly shallow pool, but every now & then there are some great guys who truely want just a friendship (although sometimes if your too nice & open all at once, they end up falling for you…haha). Although, I still have fun just making guys actually talk to you at a gay bar & have a meaningful & non-sexual conversation, which admittedly can be a challenge for a lot of gay guys….LOL. But, recently I’ve noticed that the typical crusing sites are starting to become populated a little bit more with guys not just looking for sex…this is a great Post!!

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