My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Life is complicated

I’m up to Canada for Thanksgiving and guess what I’m not having turkey! Yuck yuck yuck. TC is in full yelp mode, he’s not making the money he thinks he deserves, he’s not happy with his living situation, he’s not happy in Toronto, he’s not happy that we’re not together. He’s not happy if you’re getting my drift.

To make things easier on himself, he’s decided that the entirety of this should be my problem. A little yellow Post-it note, “Please have all this fixed by the time I get home, love TC“. ¬†Allowed to rant, a serious gay undertone starts to emerge. He’s worried about how deep my commitment is to him. I could drop him and leave him hanging with little to show. On and on it goes with the finally chapter, he will turn 40 and I will likely be dead (sic) and then where will he be, aged twink with no sugar daddy.

As a manager, one of the things that drive me up a wall are employees who come and dump a box of problems on your desk with no offered solutions (or worse truly stupid solutions). What I have learned is the longer you stay in business, the more likely you are to stay in business. It’s also better to have superior tactical execution than a superior strategy.

Translate into gay speak, you gotta live day by day and made the best decisions possible based upon the information you have. I find managers all too often looking to get more information but don’t seem to making any decisions based upon the information they in fact have. The reality is there is no crystal ball and you rarely have all the facts. Act accordingly.

I don’t know where TC and I are at the moment. I didn’t know where we would be 3 years ago when this whole thing began. TC boxes himself in, he doesn’t want me or him to live in Toronto, he doesn’t want to live illegally in Washington, he’s not sure he can live in New York (with 300 relatives close by), he’s not likely to be able to live in London short of marrying me as they’ll nail him as an illegal on a border crossing and odds of him living in continental Europe are slim as he no other language skill.

Add all that up and I can’t seem to find a solution in any of it. So based upon the data I have, it would be best to sever our relationship as there is simply no point. However, I’m aware that new facts often appear in time and since neither of us have a ready alternative, do we allow things to remain status quo? I’m happy with that for the moment.


  1. Chris: I agree with all your business insights and acumen. But as you conclude applying those lessons to a relationship gives you contrary results. Perhaps a dose of reality check is needed here, some grand gesture of your commitment, to stiffen TC’s backbone. An unhappy employee will eventually bolt from a difficult employment situation, unless the world out there is worse off, then they’ll stick it out. You could take steps to make sure TC knows you would take care of him – ala getting married, it’s legal in Canada. But what do i know — go ask Single Guy for relationship advice.

  2. Why dont you boys move down under?? I think that TC would like Sydney. Come check it out….fly him out. He’ll be away from his relos here.

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