Bill & Jane along with their 2 kids were family friends as I was growing up. We saw them at church events, holidays and other occasions. Bill gave a nice toast at my wedding reception. My earliest recollection about Bill was that he was just a mite odd. He loved a party, loved gaggling with the other housewives. I remember as a teenager him walking around with a drink at a holiday party, swishing about using the word fabulous, drinking his little pinkie finger pointing outwards.
Today, I kinda of know. Bill was just a big queen. I hesitate to imagine the conversations he and his wife have had over the years. We lived in a relatively small city, no doubt Bill struggled with how to proceed. In fact, Bill is clearly not alone. It’s is estimated that 15-20% of gay American men get married, have children and try and live a life in the closet.
It’s not a good place to be, but if you’re from small town America, what else can you do?
Ironically, the situation is worse in other countries. In China, for example, the estimate is 90% of gay men get married. The reason is cultural. Men are expected to be married and more important to have children. particularly boys. The family name must continue.
Making matter worse, many of these Chinese men are openly gay with their wives, but there’s no divorce, they just have a sham marriage. These women are known as “tongqi” which roughly translates to “gay wife”. The woman can’t run, due to the family culture, so they stay and are miserable. No big surprise, these woman are quite depressed, angry and feel betrayed by the whole system. Not a great way to start your Monday.
But you’re not in China. However, you could be in a small town and you could be in a “Bill & Jane” situation and you’re likely facing the same decisions and ensuring consequences. But what are the consequences of inaction and more importantly the affect on a wife? Remember the 3 relationship element buckets of love, sex and companionship. If those buckets ain’t full, you’ve and the other person have a problem.
TC UPDATE: 3 days have passed and not a word from TC. Saturday’s port day in San Juan came and went without a beep. I’m not worried, this is TC’s last week and the explorer in him is pushing himself to go out and take it in, he may not come this way again.