A number of thought provoking comments in the last days, one reader in particular climbed up on their soapbox and exclaimed how my wife must feel having lived a “life of lies”. Good point.
I don’t think my wife feels that way. We had a great life together, it’s been a loving relationship, we’re great companions, she has two great kids, a home she’s proud of, an active social life and a great rewarding job in education. Ain’t great a great word. She recognizes there is a part of me that perhaps I didn’t fully realize, but on the whole I was who I had advertised. Course you’re welcome to ask her yourself.
A key point is until the last blip of our marriage, I was loyal, trustworthy and devoted. I severely regret the moments where I went off reservation, but frankly, it probably couldn’t have been helped. I did a full disclosure and begged for forgiveness. I took my lumps and resumed flying right. If you can’t trust someone, how can you possibility build or maintain a relationship?
Now I think the story is a wee bit different for those married guys who have been living on the downlow for years. Whoring about on a business trip, Manhunt, Craiglist, god knows whatever else. Thinking and doing are two very separate things and once you start the doing, you kinda of have a definitive answer and it’s truly a character flaw if you can ‘t recognize it. In these cases, once the full depth of the lies is revealed, it clearly has the power to crumple the tower of trust.
On the other side, a friend of mine is involved with a married guy with kids. The married guy finally broke down and told his wife. Well his wife wasn’t too happy with it, thought it might just be a “phase”, told him to break it off and resume married life. He’s trying but sucking cock is not a phase , it’s a life style. What part of delusionally does this couple not get? In their case, they’ve both agreed to lie to themselves. Hope that works for them.
One of my biggest flaws is I just tell it like it is. I have no filter and I have only a single news feed, everyone hears the same story. I watch people craft their messaging depending upon the listener and how they want to be perceived. Fuck that, too much work and in the end, you’re not even sure what the truth is anymore. Politicians suffer greatly from this.
My point is do the right thing and do it as soon as you’ve got the facts, be mindful of other emotions but mainly be mindful of your own. Days it will be a rocky road, hard on your barefeet, but hopefully others will eventually recognize you attempted to do the right thing.