My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Let’s not forget the wife

Image331 TC and I are having dinner on the balcony, the sun going down and TC has set up little tea lamps and somehow he's arranged a bouquet of parsley as a flower arrangement, all quite nice. A bottle of Shiraz in us from my boss's private cellar, I'm sitting dumb, fat and happy. But TC is probing me on an emotional level and it's not him, me or us — it's about my wife.

Gentlemen, I have failed. I have failed to develop a new relationship with my wife. Honey, I'm queer, a big battle and then suddenly I'm living in Europe, our contact sparse and spartan. This is how I treat someone who was devoted to me for 16 years and the mother of my 2 kids? I wouldn't call me a reference model. I need to focus some energy on developing a new relationship with her, it's going to be different. She's not really in a position to support me, but I'm in a position to support her.

Clearly, if you're married, queer and have no kids, well "been nice knowing you, call if you want" can be the sign off. But damn children, they create a bridge, a permanent link between two people, there simply is no easy way out nor should there be.

Unfortunately, the answer is obvious, I'm explaining TC, I need to return to Washington DC, set-up shop near my home and be more attentive to my ex-spouse and kids. Of course this would mean TC and I would have to break up, the US being closed to foreigners and TC doesn't like DC anyways. I'm sure I can find something new warm & brown to help me pass the winter. :-)A

TC, oddly, didn't seem to like that option and neither do I. But in all seriousness, if you have kids, you just can't abandon your wife to sort her own way out. Clearly I was (or am, depending on the day) an emotional wreck, but for the most part I'm back to my normal screwed up self, so I need to lend a helping hand. Today would be good.

Note: I think I'm almost passed my Latino love phase, I said almost.


  1. And you’re almost not queer……ok we’ve gotten that out of the way. It isn’t so much that you need to be there for your wife as much as for your children. So live outside of D.C. and bring TC along. The wife is aware of him as are the boys.

  2. I think I know exactly what you mean. I was married for 15 years, now divorced, we have two kids. At first (been divorced 8 years) my ex-wife and I communicated only because we had to (the kids). Now, we are friends again, but all along, both of us recognized that no matter what our differences or disagreements may be, we had to be there for the kids, which also meant being there for the other parent. I live two blocks away from my ex, and we share 50/50 custody. Frankly, I don’t know how you can stand being an ocean away from your children. Granted, mine are younger than yours, but still . . . kids need their fathers.

  3. Second to what Don said. It’ll make a difference to your kids having you around. As much as I say I’m over with my dad not being around, on some days it just hits me and I’m mad at him for it. I hope you and your ex could find a middleground where you can still be there for your kids *Hugs

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