This is going to be my last post for awhile. After 1 year of my bad behaviour, I’m going to focus on trying to rescue my marriage. The simple new rule is "if I can’t tell my wife, I can’t do it anymore". She’s not aware of this blog, so despite this helping me, it’s going to stop.
It’s going to be hard, no gay bars, no flirting, no illicit websites, no checking out gay profiles, I figure I should last about a week. But if I don’t make it, well, I have my answer. In the last months, I found myself in an uneasy pendulum moving between being gay and living a straight lifestyle. IMHO it’s one or the other. It can’t be both, at least for me.
A lot of guys living on the downlow, are perfectly comfortable a house in the burbs with their kiddies & spouse, then posting on craigslist.org that they need their nut busted in Room 1214 at the Airport Sheraton. A lot of guys also rob banks. I’m afraid, I’ve always taken the high road and this sort of behaviour is simply not my character.
With this comes a painful decision to stop talking with William. He knows and supports this decision. I miss him already. I was lucky to have met someone of such good moral character. He’s been there for me every step along the way and the hours of us talking has resulted in a strong emotional bond. Re-reading this blog, I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve done or the manner in which I’ve handled certain situations.
But life is like a bicycle, you don’t fall off unless you stop pedaling. So I’ll pedal onwards.