In London, Chris was telling me how he’d told his former boyfriend about me and the hassle he’d gotten. Married! 2x your age! Lives in the US! Have you lost your mind? Chris had developed a cold sore on Sunday, the stress in his life showing up physically. Talking to him the other day, sure enough his former BF hassled him that the “old guy” gave him a disease when he returned.
This former BF clearly still likes Chris (though he has his own new boyfriend), but he doesn’t love him. There’s a clear difference between like and love. The ability to put the needs of another in front of your own, well that’s love. The ability to derive happiness from knowing that the person is happy is love as well.
My wife loves me. She’s clearly scared for herself, but she’s dealing with that on her own. I suspect the married guy who comes home with a “surprise” for his wife and shortly thereafter finds his clothes out on the front lawn, is a lucky man, his wife probably didn’t love him. I arrive back this evening from the gym, a 5 lb wheel of Gorgonzola Dolce at room temperature oozing all kinds of goodness and a cold bottle of my favorite Pino Grigio laid out for my dinner. Only someone who loves you does that for you.
It makes this whole transaction that much harder but in the same breath so much easier. Peace will be found. Two people will find their way.