My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Ka-booom

New reader writes me. He’s in the middle of his crisis. Seems mommy has caught him with gay porn twice now. The “gee honey must be a virus” story doesn’t seem to be working well and his wife is now in what I call the “honey do you like to suck cock” mode. I think I’ve seen this movie already, the ending wasn’t as good as I’d hoped.

The ‘net is your wife is trying to out you. She suspects, probably knows, but it’s not until you admit it does it become real. There is no easy way to deal with it and likely this will be the worse day of your life. She wants to know and she will follow you all around the house, jabbing her finger at you, demanding an answer. You’ll likely provide vague information, dance around the topic and finally, you’ll actually get angry, enough of this shit, “yes baby I like to suck cock, you gotta problem with that?”. Imagine at this point the nuclear bomb dropped on the Bikini Atoll. You just pray the shockwave kills you before the heat does. It’s that bad.

First will come anger. You cheated on me. You’ve wasted my life. My life has been a sham. This can rage on for a while. I urge you to have an escape plan if things get ugly. There is nothing you can do to calm this volcano. Woman have been known to get violent, call the police and tell them you’ve been abusing the children or simply start throwing your clothes out on the lawn. A nice one is to call your parents up and out you.  Have your car on the street, some emergency clothes, your wallet and cash and be ready to leave if it get ugly. Otherwise, sit tight, wave two is coming.

The second wave will be disgust. You fag. You cock sucker. How can you engage in such disgusting behaviour. This is clearly not a point where I would remind your wife that she is a cock sucker as well and she seemed to like it. You have no defensive position, so once again, sit tight.

The third wave is fear. You’ve been out with loose men. I’ve probably got some STD. You’re trying to kill me. At this point questioning about the extend of your sexual activity is likely to surface. She’s gonna want details down to the “did you swallow”  part. This is not a good time to whip out your diary and talk about what you did last Tuesday. Keep neutral. Hopefully you didn’t do anything stupid, say that but be supportive that she should go get tested.

Fear combines with sadness in the last wave. Fear of the unknown and sadness that the idyllic little life she’s been leading is no more. Worries for the kids, money, loneliness, extra work effort. Basically every aspect of life will be looked at and the differences will seem for the moment insurmountable.

I hope you are not a scumbag because you’re going to have to sit tight, mow the lawn, move into the guest room and give your wife time to think. Most importantly, you’re going to have to show you’re not abandoning her or your family. Please don’t screw with your finances or do something stupid with money.  Steady on the tiller and with time she will right herself, it may take weeks though. There is no need to push your agenda, she will come back to you at a calmer moment and ask what the plan is. For now, sit tight.

At this point, your wife is going to call her friends for support. This is the point some of her friends will offer advice. Get a lawyer. Throw him out of the house. Change the locks. Leave immediately. Sadly, these friends probably won’t be your wife’s friend after this process. Remember my rule – never ever ever ever give anyone advice. Your wife is looking for comfort not advice.

It’s not guaranteed, but likely, your wife will come around to understand that you’re still basically the same good guy she married. If she’s smart, she’ll understand this isn’t some choice you’re making and while you may have been dishonourable in your process, she’ll probably guess there wasn’t a really good way to handle this to begin with.

In the end, time must transpire and you’ve got to sit tight, a new day will dawn.

TC UPDATE: Tiger Cub tried to call via Skype last night and couldn’t connect, a cryptic telegram style email followed,  “working, love you”.  C6FV8 is making 12 knots in 2 foot seas as she’s hit the RETURN key with a sea day en route back to San Juan. He’s my baby.

2 Comments

  1. After giving a page of advice for the newbie you again reiterate your stance for never giving advice. Is anyone confused but me? Or is it just don’t offer Chris any advice?

  2. Let me add that results may very.
    In my case 6 months after dropping the bomb she is still very angry. We have been separated 3 months and though I haven’t seen or spoken to her, the e-mails show it. Maybe it has something to do that after telling her I moved in with my BF for a week before moving back and going to counseling with her for a month or so.
    So I would agree that you should not rush the process, but don’t expect all wives to come around like Chris’s did, at least not so fast. I wonder if mine ever will…

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