It’s a beautiful day in St. Croix and there is my own brown beauty, TC, once again at a beach side bar. His voice sounds different, more macho, more matter a fact. Hmmm. It’s inquisition time.
It seems that TC and “Tyler” are just back from having a swim at the beach. Tyler is a twink dancer on the ship. I can imagine his own taut little body and he’s ‘sweet’ on TC. A swim and a drink – so it seems. TC indicates he’s suddenly not have “such a bad time as before”. Maybe he acted with haste, TC ponders.
I explode with both audio and visual cues about how I feel about this “Tyler” character honing in on my boy. Add to that Tyler is a big bottom. What pray tell is TC planning to do with a big bottom? So it seems the world of “bottoms” has multiple gradients and Tyler is a couple of notches lower on that scale than TC. So here is my powderpuff acting all macho, strutting his stuff.
Whatever it is, I don’t like it one bit and my fur is raising. The reality is I’m jealous and TC is working it a little.
Jealousy is the state of fear or suspicion about losing something or someone important. So someone who is jealous in a relationship perceives that he or she possesses a valued relationship, but is in danger of losing it or at least of having it altered in an undesirable manner,
The key here is “valued relationship”. It’s awful tough to get jealous if you don’t care. This raises the next question and my topic today. If two people are in a valued relationship, why would one of the partners allow the creation of this danger or fear of having it altered.
It would seem obvious to me. If you care about someone, you don’t make them jealous about whatever you’re doing. That would be my highly scientific view.
Unfortunately, science doesn’t prevail, emotion does. I realize I have done things to TC to make him jealous, usually just glancing at someone else is enough for him. OK so I did have my tongue out a few times, normal male reflexes after all. But why did I do it?
I guess I do it because I want TC’s attention. I want him to show me he cares enough to growl back. A periodic confirmation on the relationship status. It makes me feel good when he growls. But how much is too much? It’s when we become threatened that irrational behaviour can emerge. What starts as little simmer can quickly boil over scalding all within reach. Jealous is a powerful element in a relationship which probably serves some good as a spice but overpowering if used to excess.
I’m packing my bags and going to Florida today. Yeee haw!