My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

It’s summer, the boys are out

I’m alone in Cologne, Germany. I don’t know a soul. Come on, dare me, be brave, double dare me to go out and pick up some German knockwurst. I can do it, I’m good, watch me. Just tell me how young, how well hung, how tall, how blonde, I’m on it baby. Just dare me. Damn – I miss my little Tiger Cub. He’s still in Prag.

TC returns tomorrow and I’m gonna be at the airport waiting for him, flowers in hand. He’s my little cub and I love him. I look into his brown eyes and look right thru to his soul. I’m only in Cologne for 2 months. I’m not good with hook-ups and trying to develop yet another relationship in such a short time just ain’t gonna happen. I’ve got a good thing going, the challenge is how to keep it going.

TC is a mere 23, he’s so young, just a baby in many regards. But he understands how gay guys are and values what I bring to him. I think I know him. He wants to party, adventure, see the world. He has no clue what he wants to do with his life. But deeper down, he, like all of us, wants to be loved and to love someone.

Why is it that older men go for younger {insert gender} on the second go around? Why am I following in that rut? To think, just a while back, my biggest worry was whether Home Depot had propane gas.

I guess for any married guy facing divorce, it is the uncertainty of what will be that frightens us. My father, at 80 years of age, 3x married and 3x divorced, is alone. My mother 2x married, now well into her 70’s also alone. I don’t want that now at 47, or 48, 58 or 68 for that matter.

But I’m manipulative aren’t I? Convince an innocent 23 year old of my love. Hold on to him until I find something “better”, perhaps he doesn’t age well, find another younger tiger cub at some point. The circle of life. I hope not. I hope I’m a better person than that. I write on.

2 Comments

  1. I’m so happy that you’ve found love. It sucks that logistical circumstances make it so challenging. You know that Mauro and I have similar complicating circumstances. We are proof that if you want something bad enough you can make it work, regardless of the complexity. I look forward to the stories a year from now on all the hoops you and Chris had to jump through to be together. I have my share of stories brother. Besos.

  2. Oh, I think that you and TC are pretty much a couple now. You just have to figure out how to get him back over to Europe, but you’re resourceful and I’m sure you’ll be able to handle that.
    As to age……it’s a number. I also think you enjoy moulding someone….
    and TC is smart enough to know when you are manipulating him. Enjoy your love…..you radiate with it.

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