My first Saturday night in new place. Oh boy. Shower, nice midlength Euro pants, my cool Geox tennis shoes, orange polo, outside temp is 75, it’s going to be nice. Down the street I go into the evening. Suddenly, though I’m tired, depressed, I don’t want to be “on” tonight, I’m just exhausted. I turn around, head back up to the apartment, turn the AC a notch lower, pull out a DVD and watch a movie, glass of wine in hand. I’m turning in early.
I’m sick of bars. I realized that last night, while it was a great gesture from my new Asian friend and I had fun, with the noise of the crowd, you could barely carry a conversation, thus you’re stuck with simple topics and crowd watching. I left last night having learned precious little from my new acquaintances and they learned little from me.
How do people meet? I force feed myself into a crowd of people, but that’s me, I think many folks can’t do that. But I’m tired of doing it, it’s wearing. I realize that in the straight world, I have a little circle of friends and a wider circle of people I know and perhaps socialize with. It took years to build.
What’s my goal? I have plenty of straight friends, I’m looking to build a gay version and unfortunately, I want it now and it’s not going to happen and will simply take time.