Paul, my good friend, & I are driving to an appointment. He says to me, “Chris, despite all the kidding, what you’ve done in the last months has taken incredible courage”. Courage or stupidity, I’m thinking. I’m telling Paul about a study which indicated that about 3.9% (I just love the .9) of married men have had some form of same sex experience and there are likely 10’s of thousands of married men roaming the U.S. seeking another man as I write.
craigslist, gay.com, manhunt.net, parks, bars, escort service – it’s not hard to find a married guy looking for a random hookup. Richard, my Chicago friend, is telling me about his cousin, a pastor, whose been living life on the downlow for years from his wife, kids and parish. To scared to come out and traumatized by his religious beliefs.
But thinking, I’ve had “A Wonderful Life” experience. I reached a point of desperation to where my own Clarence, the guardian angel, unhooked me from the straight world and transformed me into the gay world. Like George Bailey, I’m seeing gay life in a way I hadn’t anticipated. I’m fast approaching the final movie scene. George is praying on the bridge railing.
“Clarence! Clarence! Help me, Clarence. Get me back. Get me back. I don’t care what happens to me. Only get me back to my wife and kids. Help me, Clarence, please! Please! I want to live again, Please, God, let me live again”. A soft, gentle snow beings to fall.