I find myself talking to my wife about my "situation" then realizing half way that (1) I’m digging a hole for myself or (2) I’m setting myself up to get yelled at. I’m my own worse enemy.
Saturday night it’s my wife’s birthday. Out to dinner we go. Pleasant time. After dinner, walking back to the car, I start talking about the revelation of the last therapy session (love, companionship, sex – see posting below). I, obviously, do a horrible job of explaining this because she, I assume, takes it that all 3 elements are sucking with us. I stop mid-sentence and refuse to continue the conversation.
She explodes in the middle of the street. Being the pussy that I am, I decide to keep quiet. She continues to rant. I stay quiet. We get in the car for the 15 mile return trip. She continues to berate me. I’m trying not to respond. Then she gets mad for me not fighting back. So with only 3 miles left in the trip, I blow up with 12 miles of anger in me. She strikes me while driving. Like striking the cork on an warm bottle of champagne, I unload with full anger and there is no stopping me.
At home, we go to bed. She’s settled down a bit. In the darkness of the night, I start to talk about the evening. I apologize. I try to put in context the 3 elements and how it was helpful. I must be losing my touch, in a moment, she jumps up, screaming about how I should just move out and storms off to the guest room. The room is silent.
I hear the sound of footsteps, the door opens, "Just one more thing …", and she launches into another tirade, ending with, "and if you think the fairies you like are going to put up with your insensitivity, you’ve got a big surprise coming". Door slams, stomps down the hallway back to the guest room.
I wait 10 minutes. I am calm. I walk down to the guest room, open the door, "come back to bed now, we don’t end an evening like this". She knows I’m right and head down sulks back to the master. The night is over.
I’m now in "no man’s land", I can’t win for losing here. I mid-way across the river and need to decide what side I’m heading for.