My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Is life boring for everyone?

I am eagerly awaiting the return of Scrappy here on Saturday night. Unfortunately, I have to leave for Korea on Sunday afternoon, but I’m back mid-week, Scrappy will need time to sniff about his new dog house. I’m sure I will come back with everything relocated.

We all know that stress is usually about a lot of little things layer on. You don’t realize it, but your body does. I’ve severely reduced my¬†alcohol,; been exercising every day and mostly just working. But things are building up. You just worry about shit. You don’t even realize you’re worried about it. But yet you do.

I’ve been catching up on the blogs to the right here and quite honestly, most of the stuff is pretty lame reading. My own writing is lame. The reality is all bloggers start with some fire, something that motivates them to write. Life changing stuff and it’s interesting to read and follow along, especially if you’ve been down or going down that road yourself.

But if anything, the lame writing reveals that life returns to a certain level of normality. Things settle down. The dark cloud moves on. The sun rises again and we all realize that what we thought was the end of the earth really wasn’t. As we know from reading the popular Steve Jobs biography: “The journey is the reward.”

I’m worried about how to further solidify the relationship with Scrappy or if either of us really want to and just what does ‘solidify’ mean. The reality is most things in life are temporal so you must enjoy it while it’s there. Because it may not be there tomorrow. But we’ve hung on for 4+ years now and if we find a way, we’ll find a way together.

I do believe life is better with a true partner in it. No amount of telling me how it ain’t so is gonna change my mind. All the fuck buddies, bitches and “good friends” aren’t going to give you that special feeling. I know cause I’ve lived and am living the dream. But this doesn’t mean you’re sitting in the cheap seats if you don’t have the special someone, just don’t stop looking or being open to it.

4 Comments

  1. Time for my two cents: I have never considered what you have with TC aka Scrappy as anything close to a relationship. As I have asked you many times before, other than him being a twink, what emotional binds tie you? That’s why, for me, reading your blog is much fun. I wait for you to wake up, knowing that you won’t. Ride it out with what little time is left with the boy, but know there is (there must be) something better and real that will capture your adult heart. I’m real. I will find real. I hope the same for you. And now, your lame readers will proceed to vilify me.

  2. I remember once learning that when we are satisfied with life that does largely seem “boring” in the sense that weeks go by without us noticing. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It may just mean you’re content with your life.
    On the other hand, maybe you’re not content. I know you started to refer to TC as scrappy as a dog with playful affection but, having not read your blog for a while, it struck me reading this entry that it is also pretty disrespectful. You refer to him sniffing and having a dog house. Maybe you’re bored because your partner is not your intellectual equal and so you can’t really engage with him.
    You’re smart, I’m sure you’ll work it out.

  3. And I read this partially to see indcdon’s comments! No one should be vilified, it’s all about differences of opinion.

    Mine? Your comments about TC being a twink, a boy, not real, etc. are somewhat small minded. Now, I have given my opinion many times that the description of this relationship doesn’t speak to me of lasting commitment, or the “real thing.” But I’m not sure that’s so much TC as it is that Chris hasn’t let go of his prior life, dealt with certain issues, and is, right now, just marking time.

    TC may be young, but indcdon, that doesn’t mean it can’t be real. My own experience, I am partnered, for 7 years next month, to a man who is 20 years my junior. He is now 37 (do NOT do the math, please, or at least don’t report it back), and I met him about 4 weeks after he turned 30. I had held on to his number for 6 months, because he was in the same decade of life as two of my three kids, at the time. Then he turned 30, and I thought, OK, not so bad, they’re in their 20’s (young 20’s), he’s in his 30’s, now I’ll give him a call. I didn’t think it could be real in the end, too many years between us, too many differences in life experiences. But real it is. We, just, together, planned and executed my daughter’s wedding, he being acknowledged as a step-parent, and my ex and her husband standing up there at the ceremony next to us. It’s real. Indcdon, you need to be a little more open to things. And of course, it’s all just my opinion, though I won’t ever call it humble.

    Chris, enjoy your time with TC. And maybe figure out how to take it to the next level, if you’ve grown up enough to do so!! I think TC probably has.

    Have fun. Always enjoy reading your “stuff.”

  4. I’m boring and love being so!

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