Drinks last night with one of TC’s colleagues. He’s been in a relationship for 5 years with a professional who is a little older and had been married for 10 years. Bob works for a major bank and hold a management position and Chris’s friend (Latino) clearly is the mama of the relationship, needy and nurturing. Bob was keen to tell me his story.
Growing up in Western Canada, he had messed around with a couple of guys in college and kinda of always knew he was different. He admitted he was homophobic during these years. Don’t get too close to what you might be. Bob was also strongly religious.
But Bob was the good suburban husband. Mowed his lawn. Played with the kids. Did his duty. I didn’t get the real trigger event, but somewhere in the last 3 years of his marriage, Bob ran it off the road. Into a string of online hook-ups, dirty, nasty, lurid. As a deacon in his church, he admitted it was driving him crazy and he bifurcated his life, a Jekyll and Hyde personality developed. At some point he broke.
Lucky for Bob, he met his Latino, tired of whoring about, in search of some stability, the latin desire for a familyhave worked well for them both. Bob gets a surrogate wife and the Latino has Bob’s two teenage daughters who seem him as their personal fashion consultant and confidant. It’s a good news story.
The word about Bob spread through his social circles and he was quickly shunned. He was most disappointed in the church. His faith proclaimed acceptance of all, but ultimately showed tolerance for none. Bob today is non-religious and happy to be away from that entire piece of his life. Like I have written, he indicated his real friends were still his friends and everybody else, well they really weren’t friends.
Bob’s father had passed away and he is out to his mother. At the office, people started asking questions, the perpetual”I’m going out with friends” ultimated raised eyebrows. One of his employees was finally cheeky enough to ask him point blank, “Are you gay?”. Bob brushed off the questions.
Time wore on and Bob decided he needed to come clean and basically is out out to everyone. He works for a major bank and was fearful of their reaction and impact to his career. Ultimately, he’s done better. His Latino (we all should get one, remember Christmas is right around the corner) is quite social and big surprise, executive’s wives love him, so they’re a big hit on the social circuit.
Bob admits it has taken some time but he has slowly rebuilt his social networking consisting of gay and non-gay and is happy with his life.
Bob’s spouse now ex- is not doing as well, she’s not recovered. Their relationship is sadly a bit sour. Bob continually referred to her as “my X” which I thought was a bit de-humanizing (imagine me saying that). He rambled on how he was no longer responsible for her and simply wrote a check each month. He dinged her as well for lack of personality and initiative and being too suburban. Ah but we all have our faults now don’t we.
I didn’t like that part of the conversation much. As you know I have a lifelong obligation to my wife. She is the mother of my children. We are great friends and talk all the time. She is a permanent part of my family no matter how many boyfriends or husbands she has. It’s different. TC perked up and commented how welcome he was made to feel and his own little bond with my kids.