My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

In an emergency, run like hell

My wife and I sitting on the living room couch. Glass of wine in hand. American Idol on Tivo. Simon being nasty. I’m telling my wife how scared I am of starting a new relationship. Will I get hooked up with the wrong person? Will I overplay my hand? Will it work out?

She calmly replies that I’m a fully mature adult, a daddy, a husband, a business person, semi balanced in my emotions. I’m totally capable of making intelligent decisions. She notes, I’m chasing far younger guys who perhaps aren’t in a position to offer me more than a “dating” relationship which may not satisfy my emotional needs. The woman is clearly smart.

Though I must say, I’ve seen far too many unhappy gay guys in the last 2 years. Yes, there are exceptions, Prof. Tim for one. But wandering Washington, DC and London, I’m always surprised to find some mid-30’s guy who readily admits to never having had a serious relationship, but he’d like to find one. I’m not sure why, I’m hoping I will be different.

Too many, straight or gay, single folks seem intent on just “dating”. Well, what exactly is “dating”? Is this for companionship, sex, just having fun or to combat loneliness or simply “tiding” one over until the “real deal” comes along?

My wife telling me her single woman friends complain they go on 1 date and the guy disappears or tells her, “you’re not the right one”. They feel rejected. But isn’t this better than being temporaily used or “just dating”?

I can see reasons and understand how each of these cases get played. But finding that special person is indeed a “find”. It doesn’t matter how many “dates” you’ve been on, the circumstances under which you met, the similarities or the differences that you have. If you both want it to work, it will.


  1. I think I’m one of those unhappy gay guys!

  2. It’s great to see your wife becoming so accepting. That says a lot about what kind of person she is. You’re very lucky in my opinion.

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