One of my favorite recurring articles is in the Sunday Washington Post magazine, it’s called “Datelab“. Basically the editors pair up 2 single people to go out on a blind date and track what happens along with a rating by each of the parties at the end of the date. Almost without fail, the guys rate the dates higher than the women did (they had 2 gay guys once). There never seems to be a second date, though, no matter how gushing both parties were.
The classic ending, one party emails to follow-up, the other person doesn’t respond. In hindsight, one person usually indicates they got some signal or mixed message during the date as a “reason” why they just didn’t think the other person was right “for them”. A footnote from the editors was that most guys know within 2 minutes whether there’s going to be a 2nd date. Thus is speed dating a real way to find your mate?
My wife is great. She’s attractive, balanced head, worldly, educated, cultured, good family and and and. I struggle to find serious fault with her. (Me? I still read William’s tome about my short comings, I’m pretty bad). But yet I wasn’t madly in love with her when we married. Perhaps I made my own self arranged marriage. I married a person with all the attributes that I wanted. I’m wondering now if I even know what love is? Am I supposed to be hit by a bolt of lightening? Did I simply settle?
Going out with the various guys was a rush. New. Fresh territory. But could I have loved one of them? Or would I have embarked on what I saw as common, a continual and never ending search. I certainly didn’t go out with anyone long enough to know my real thoughts. It was just too exciting. Was it simply a physical urge? I’m left now not knowing, wondering whether this shelf spot in me will ever get a full answer. Not all of life’s questions are answered.