My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

I’m sorry

I am in Miami and no, I ain’t have no fun. Hotel, office, restaurant, hotel. I know the drill. My dear friend Eduardo (follow previous postings) emailed me today, very politely saying that he was terribly afraid that due to a previous commitment he would be unable to go to dinner with me on Friday. For additional safety, he indicated he regretted he was also not available on Thursday either, thank you for asking and look to hear from you soon TTFN.

So you Old Queens need not fear that me. I have been dumped before I even began my journey. I hope you’re happy. Single in the City is relishing Old Faithful of Sydney being able to destroy my relationship with Scrappy Doo.

In all likelihood, Eduardo, being the thinky queer that he is, thought about what was going down and concluded there was not likely to be a happy ending in any sort of contact with me at this juncture, emotional connection or not. That either he couldn’t trust himself or trust me (more likely). I fired back a classic pithy response, but I’m not expecting this chapter to be prolonged.

Now we can turn attention to why or more precisely what drove me down this dark alley? I am in a relationship with Scrappy Doo. He is an adoring 27 yo, long black hair, 135 lb, 5’9″, super cool, good family. He can be difficult to deal with and we nip at each other all the time, but he is loyal, on my ass 24 x 7, he doesn’t play any games and he has never in nearing 4 years faded away from me.  And while I bitched about our sex life, the reality is, he’s more demanding than I am (senior citizen that I’ve become).

Yet, me, Mr. Insecure get attention from some old and distant flame, I go floating in the air, ready to screw up perhaps the best deal I’ve got going. Why?

I’ve thought about this a bit, much as my feeble ailing mind will allow in a single sitting and sadly, I can’t come up with an excuse. Even reasons that seem somewhat valid fail to come to me. The reality is I was in the midst of not doing the right thing. I was knowingly doing the wrong thing. I knew it was wrong as I entered into it, while it was happening and afterwards.

Sometimes in life, you just can’t have an excuse. I was fueled by, as reader Mark commented, some unfinished business that I felt needed to be tidied up. An like most stupid males, I had no clue exactly what I was entering into and where it might lead. But it was going to be exciting.

Scrappy Doo would be terribly hurt to learn about any of this. Not that I ran into Eduardo in some bar one night (that would elicit a mere growl and perhaps 2 paw swipes). But rather that I knowingly and hidden from his view engaged in a dialog that didn’t seem to have the most honorable of intentions. I apologize.

4 Comments

  1. You’re a straight shooter, so to speak, so I’ll give it to you the same way: I’m glad Eduardo put the brakes on.

    If you can do better than Scrappy Doo and if Scrappy Doo deserves to be dumped, go for it. Until that day happens, appreciate what you have.

    I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, I’m just reinforcing the point.

  2. You may want to find out why…plenty of Eduardo looking treats here in Sydney.

  3. Coming from the Str-8 world – you know better than this !!! – does not mean you will not & can’t process the what/when/where/why’s of the gay market place – but don’t start a new thing when you have not finished with the play toy you currently have. Hopefully we ex-married guys can try and teach the gay world to only do to others as they would want done to them…however, this does not include flirting of course – which should be allowed and even encouraged – if for no other reason than to keep our partners attention skills sharp & focused on us!!!!

  4. Nick,
    Who are you to teach the gay world? Why are you ex-married in the first place? Way back, I wrote about looking into our own mirrors. Please read it. Don’t sit on your high horse and condemn the whole gay world when you might be part of the problem. There are good and bad people, regardless of which world you think you are in. Maybe, there’s a reason why you attract the bad elements in the gay world.
    Take care.

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