My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

I’m keeping score

I was adding up my sexual conquests and in my lifetime, I’ve had sex with only 7 women (2 LTR, 2 GF and 3, well I was drunk at the time). The tally for guys, 8 just in the last year. Shit – odds aren’t looking too favourable for me are they?

My conquests with women have either been one hit wonders or LTR. Even with women, I didn’t like the one hit wonder. I remember I was in my early 20’s, visiting my best friend at his apartment, his older sister was there. He had to run out for an errand. I was stoned, drunk, on drugs on some combination of the three (I can mix a mean cocktail).

His sister and I sitting on a couch watching TV. Brother is gone. She starts touching my leg and then kissing me. I was shocked. She wasn’t ugly but I wasn’t particularly attracted to her. I didn’t push her off though. Brain off, dick on.

Next thing I know, we’re in a bedroom, it’s dark, we’re naked and I’m on top of her trying to shove my dick into her. She leads me into her and I’m screwing away before I know it. Only my mind is racing, a million things on my mind. Why am I doing this? Is her brother going to find out? What does this all mean? (Aren’t I complicated?).

After about 10 minutes of humping away, she asks if I’m going to orgasm. I don’t think so, my mind is on too many things and the various medications aren’t helping either. She pushes me off. We quickly get dressed. Back in front of the TV. Brother comes back, stares at us, something is amiss. I’m embarassed by it all.

Needless to say, I hated the whole experience. No feeling, no emotion, nothing, I’m not sure it was even sex. It was just awful. So I apologize if at this stage in this game called life, I’m not willing to play that way anymore. Another one where I can play the experience card.

2 Comments

  1. Only 8…wow!!! That’s my week!

  2. Hi Chris…..its nic eto met you here….I just read your comment…..its always great to get to know other guys going through this too.
    Derek

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