My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

I thinking I’m turning Japanese

I had met Daniel last Thursday at Halo, 26 yo Japanese-America, smart Stanford, well dressed all the things I like. The next day, I call/text, but no reply. Oh well. Yesterday, now a week later, sitting in my office, what can I do, why hasn’t Daniel reached out to me, why do gay guys act this way?

I’ll try one more time. I spend 15 minutes crafting a 1 sentence text message. This will be my last shot. It has to daring, enticing and warm all at once. I hit the SEND button and the wait begins. 10 minutes later, Daniel replies, the fix is in. Couple of texts later and we’ve agreed to go to dinner. Japanese. Where else?

I’m nervous meeting him. He too. Our restaurant can’t serve liquor tonight, luckily I’ve got 1 drink in me already. He orders in Japanese. He’s combative, asking me to guess things about him, about myself. I’m trying to stay on my game. He’s quick and a sly poker player. I don’t know what he’s thinking. He says I’m holding back something. It’s him though, simply being on guard.

We leave and take a quick tour of the gay bar scene in DC. But he doesn’t like gay bars and wants to do something else. We hop in my car and I give him a city tour. It’s a clear & crisp night, the monuments are all aglow, the best time to see the city. We stop at several and walk up. I love it, no crowds, quiet, romantic. I’m affectionate in the darkness.

At the Jefferson Memorial, I give him the 5 minute abridged story of where I’m at. I have a family to care for showing him photos of my two sons. To my relief, he’s actually excited. I’m not some 46 yo career gay guy picking up young kids for a night of enjoyment. He realizes I’m a relationship person. He starts to open up, he worried I was a hook-up guy.

Tour complete, we head to BeBar, it’s not too busy, we sit and talk. His Asian culture is strong, he’s reserved. He came out at 20 never having had sex with a guy before. He just knew it and he’s never been with a women either. His mother, the matriarch of the family, doesn’t like his sexual status. It’s a sore point with him. We talk about what we want in relationship. We’ve got clear heads, neither of us drinking.

I’m a PDA person. He tells me point blank he’s doesn’t do nor like PDA. He wants us to be friends. He doesn’t want to kiss either, that’s something special. I’m a bit hurt, but I am looking for a friend. Despite all that, we do share common views on what we want from a relationship. I’ve actually had a good time with him. It’s almost midnight, I’m driving him home.

With the dome of the Capital as a backdrop, he asks me to pull over. Thinking he wants to get out for a look, I stop. He unbuckles his seatbelt. Turns to me and the only term I can think of, unleashes his passion. Soft. Silky. He caresses me. The warmth of his body next to mine. Delicate kisses. Seeking each others hot spots. Animals checking the scent of another. All very gentle. A hot rush pours over me.

We’re an hour into this sidestreet makeout session. I’ve fully wound him up. He’s a super horny 26 yo now, ready to do anything I want. But I’m the captain on this flight tonight and that’s not where this plane is going.

It’s all about respect with Daniel. He’s private. I need to earn my stripes with him. I drop him at his apartment. Dazed, he exits into the darkness. We’ll see each other again, I hope.


  1. This is a new tact for you, slowly slowly…..will it’s time you found out what a gay relationship is all about. One night stands are a rush at first….but then……will you know.

  2. Nice evening out with the guy. Did you have sushi?
    Slow and steady: very respectful.
    Hi, I am Erik from Whittle et al.
    Nice blog.

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