My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

I need help, please comment, don’t spare the abuse

It's official, January 1st, new role reporting to the European GM. The CEO & CTO and I met this morning. I'll be an "employee at large" and basically a spy for corporate. The GM is a bit antsy but he also knows shit happens when I show up, so he's happy to have me on his team.  Details to be worked but I should be wandering around Europe soon enough.

Arriving home tonight, my wife has a 2 page typed note on my desk. The 'net is I need to decide to be a "good" boy or get out. Can't say that I blame her. She's held out longer than I expected. The "Daniel" episode has triggered this emotional storm.

A nasty overtone has managed its way into her text. She believes its my sales capability and relentless inability to take "no for an answer", which forces these guys to give me their phone numbers. But they slide away from me at the first possible opportunity. "I'm developing a reputation as a lusty creep in the gay community", she believes. Then, my feelings hurt, I come crying back to her for repair.

She concludes with "You want guidelines? Here's one — if you feel you are getting ready to do something that you will have to lie about, chances are you shouldn't be doing it in the first place."

I want to do the right thing here. I have a great life. But, I don't fully understand what propels me to do this things. Things that hurt the people who've stood by me, the people I love. The gay pain frankly has been more than the pleasure. I don't see a happy picture for me anytime soon in that world. Am I doing this to create a blog material for you? Make my life more interesting, surely there are other things I could do. Or am I simply an alcoholic that need to admit the truth, so the healing can begin.

The answer should be simple, right? But it's not.

4 Comments

  1. We’d all like a simple answer. You’ve thought about what the gay life holds for you – but what about the straight life. If you are a ‘good boy’ do you think you could be happy for the long-haul? How would being a ‘good boy’ affect Chris over the long-haul and would your wife be happy with that Chris? Sorry no answers.

  2. No easy answers but her conclusion is a pretty good one. You know what i am going to do, but your situation is more complex.

  3. Time for some tough choices. Alone in Europe, so you think you even be a good boy? Do you think she would trust you to be a good boy? I couldn’t lie to my wife anymore or to myself. I came out to her, finally, and separated almost immediately. I tried to not be gay for a while, but it’s a part of me I cannot deny, good or bad. I may end up alone and a troll, but those may be the results of my choices. Tough decisions to make, whatever you decide it will be the right one.

  4. You know the answer…it’s the accepting it that’s the hard part for you at this point. Also you seem like the lady that’s on a continual diet…..but continues to eat ice cream. She could eat carrots and celery…..but.
    You never give anyone a chance to get close to you. You admit that you are very aggressive. What chance does a guy (or a wife for that matter) have.
    Stop chasing and start allowing yourself to be whatever it is you want.

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