It's official, January 1st, new role reporting to the European GM. The CEO & CTO and I met this morning. I'll be an "employee at large" and basically a spy for corporate. The GM is a bit antsy but he also knows shit happens when I show up, so he's happy to have me on his team. Details to be worked but I should be wandering around Europe soon enough.
Arriving home tonight, my wife has a 2 page typed note on my desk. The 'net is I need to decide to be a "good" boy or get out. Can't say that I blame her. She's held out longer than I expected. The "Daniel" episode has triggered this emotional storm.
A nasty overtone has managed its way into her text. She believes its my sales capability and relentless inability to take "no for an answer", which forces these guys to give me their phone numbers. But they slide away from me at the first possible opportunity. "I'm developing a reputation as a lusty creep in the gay community", she believes. Then, my feelings hurt, I come crying back to her for repair.
She concludes with "You want guidelines? Here's one — if you feel you are getting ready to do something that you will have to lie about, chances are you shouldn't be doing it in the first place."
I want to do the right thing here. I have a great life. But, I don't fully understand what propels me to do this things. Things that hurt the people who've stood by me, the people I love. The gay pain frankly has been more than the pleasure. I don't see a happy picture for me anytime soon in that world. Am I doing this to create a blog material for you? Make my life more interesting, surely there are other things I could do. Or am I simply an alcoholic that need to admit the truth, so the healing can begin.
The answer should be simple, right? But it's not.