It would seem my choices are obvious. I can pack up, let the chips fall where they may, move out and get on to whatever life is ahead of me. Lonely & scary as that dirt road may be. But I’m not getting any closer to what I hope is a paved one on the road ahead.
The alternative choice is “do nothing”. An available choice for any decision in life. In fact, it’s one of the popular choices. The default answer. I’m more a command & control person though. But doing nothing is often the best answer. Time answers many questions.
Last night another bottle of wine (2 actually), my wife and I talking. She’s lamenting about how she missed all the signals from me in years past. She wants me to halt my behaviour. But the odds of me stopping my interest in men, zero. So I propose let’s just rock n’ roll and get on with the show. I’ll move out again January 1st. If we’re worried about the kids, maybe there is some compromise to ensure we don’t disrupt their world.
Perhaps I agree not to screw around in DC, shove it in her face so to speak with the agreement not do ask me questions about what I’m doing on the road. She’s upset about this and immediately tells me it’s all about her compromising and me giving nothing. The reality though, I’m a relationship person, no guy is going to have a relationship with me if I’m “living at home with my wife”. That’s a compromise right there, but she doesn’t see that.
This morning she seems to have thought more about it. “Put down in writing what you’re willing to agree to and I’ll think about it”, she says. The reality we’re both scared to death of the future.