My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

I can read

I’m reading my post from earlier today (the one below here). I don’t have a rewind button do I?

It would seem my choices are obvious. I can pack up, let the chips fall where they may, move out and get on to whatever life is ahead of me. Lonely & scary as that dirt road may be. But I’m not getting any closer to what I hope is a paved one on the road ahead.

The alternative choice is “do nothing”. An available choice for any decision in life. In fact, it’s one of the popular choices. The default answer. I’m more a command & control person though. But doing nothing is often the best answer. Time answers many questions.

Last night another bottle of wine (2 actually), my wife and I talking. She’s lamenting about how she missed all the signals from me in years past. She wants me to halt my behaviour. But the odds of me stopping my interest in men, zero. So I propose let’s just rock n’ roll and get on with the show. I’ll move out again January 1st. If we’re worried about the kids, maybe there is some compromise to ensure we don’t disrupt their world.

Perhaps I agree not to screw around in DC, shove it in her face so to speak with the agreement not do ask me questions about what I’m doing on the road. She’s upset about this and immediately tells me it’s all about her compromising and me giving nothing. The reality though, I’m a relationship person, no guy is going to have a relationship with me if I’m “living at home with my wife”. That’s a compromise right there, but she doesn’t see that.

This morning she seems to have thought more about it. “Put down in writing what you’re willing to agree to and I’ll think about it”, she says. The reality we’re both scared to death of the future.

3 Comments

  1. I perceive a lot of anguish and uncertainty.
    What kind of arrangement do you think would satisfy both of you and the kids?
    My parents have stuck it out for me, but honestly, I think they’d be better of without the other and at the end of the day while I admire there determination to be there, together, for me I think I could do without it.but that’s just me, and you know I am stupid and quirky

  2. You’ve made no compromise in reality. I think that your wife is one of the few people that you feel close to and are willing to bear all to. Just make sure that you both love your children as best you can. You’re queer, so. She knows it. You are lucky that she understands.
    As far as not doing anything in Washington D.C. it’s a false hope. You jest need to get on with your life. Love her, love your children. I don’t think that will ever change……but you need to.

  3. Do you honestly think the kids do not know something is up? It is absolutely “unhideable”. True, they may not suspect the gay angle, but life as they knew it is gone. The best decision, the fair one to the both of you–she must consider her relationship status, too–is to let go and move out. Then you’ll both have a chance to pick up your lives and move on.

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