February 2007 – I want to hurry this blog to present day. The month of February has many twists and turns, so I’m just going to drop the entire load on you, you sort it out, you get the picture.
William has cautioned me, "don’t be like Bill Clinton", dribbling information and half truths is going to be more painful than simply telling the whole truth all at once. Damn it, he’s right again (and he’s Republican too).
Over the course of the days in February. I disclose to my wife that I’ve had sexual experiences with other men, that I’ve had sexual fantasy’s for years, that I surf gay porn, that I’ve had crushes on other guys. While I don’t disclose names, there’s been more than 1 guy, and it’s been pretty recent.
The impact to her has been worse than imagined. It’s a virtually rainbow of emotions – anger, hatred, hurt, depression, uncontrolled crying, at times she’s asks graphic questions, "so you like to suck cock don’t you". Walking in to the house each night or answering a phone call, I have no idea what the topic or tone will be.
She’s gone thru every one of our credit card statements. She’s found charges. "I thought you were here", "You don’t shop in these places", "Did you buy your boy a gift?", "How could you spend that kind of money?"
It’s ugly. Interestingly, I sleep well at night. We sleep in the same bed. She’s not sleeping much at all. Is this going to get better?