I’m on the verge of being depressed. Four years ago, I had this idea for a business. I have crazy ideas all the time. Sitting in a Chili’s restaurant, I explained it to two executive friends of mine. They loved it. We began meeting every week, they worked on the business plan, I just contributed my ideas. The business got funded, it quickly grew. Yesterday, it ran out of money and 400 people lost their jobs. The Washington Post, NYTimes, AP, Reuters, Forbes, BusinessWeek, and others all picked the story up. I wrote a eulogy on my technology blog site for the ~ 100 industry folks who find me amusing. One of the news services picked up my posting and my blog got hammered last night.

I was no longer employed by this company, the victim of a stupid CEO who thought they knew better (sic). But still, was on the phone all day, talking with previous employees and trying to connect them with other jobs. It’s the right thing to do.

I simply ran out of time yesterday and didn’t have a chance to call the guy I’ve been seeing, other things on my mind obviously. This morning, my mobile chirps at 7 a.m. – “missed my daily text, are you OK?”. Well in a word NO, I’m not OK.

My new friend isn’t aware of the situation, I barely talk about what I do. But I’m thinking, “you’re phone has buttons too” he could have called or text’d me, why is it I have to do all the freaking work.

How am I supposed to respond? I have no idea. With my wife, I’m just me, all the time. I answer however I’m feeling at the moment. She knows how to process whatever I send. Now I have to think.

In the past year, I’ve devoted more of my cycles to my personal life than ever before and for what? It’s starting to wear me down.